The Best of Binky's Johnny Weir Blog

Thursday, November 11, 2010

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!! (And Also, Part 2 of the Trivia Challenge)

Photo from the People article

which @lovelyreally kindly tweeted yesterday,

promptly sending me soaring into new heights of giddiness

heretofore unattainable without some type of chemical aid ...

Yes! We have confirmation! Such as it is! Which is not to say, something official from SWTS itself! Because apparently they're mute! (But that's OK--that happens to me, too, whenever I'm within 3,000 miles or so of Johnny Weir.) So we'll take what we can get! Which is this article from People magazine titled, "Johnny Weir: I'll Be a Tough Judge on Skating with the Stars!"

All righty then!

I could not be more frantic to set up my TiVo to capture every glorious moment of this--Johnny! Live! On TV! SIX MONDAYS IN A ROW!--but my TiVo's little internal crystal ball currently stops tantalizingly short, at 6 pm on Monday, November 22, so Imma just sit here and wait ever so patiently, just like I have been, all toe-tappy, knee-bouncy, finger-drummy, hyper-caffeinated ball of Weir-vangelical frenzy that I am, leaping off the couch periodically to run outside and grab total strangers by the elbow on the street to shriek at them, "Did you know that Johnny Weir is going to be on Skating With the Stars? You've GOT to watch this!" and then racing back to see if my sturdy little DVR has caught up yet to where my mind has already gone ...

Oh and BTW:

He's not only a judge, he's the HEAD judge!! Yes, it's Weirmas in November! And December! And forever after, since, you know, TiVo! Wow--right here, live, in my living room, Johnny-as-Simon-Cowell's-far-better-dressed-and-better-looking-[see-blog-photo-from-yesterday]-young-American-cousin-with-just-the-right-mix-of-sympathy-and-snark, for hours of endless replay enjoyment to tide us over until BGJW Season Two finally starts.

(And hey, when you visit People to go savor every delicious syllable of glamourific Johnny goodness that is this article, please be sure to click on the link that says "PHOTOS: Johnny Weir: Drama on Ice!" It will take you to a slideshow of nine of Johnny's costumes, and you can vote for your favorite! So far Poker Face is winning with 41% of the vote, followed by The Swan at a distant second with 18%.)

So.

Wow! Yay us!

And also: Congratulations, Johnny! This is a fabulous opportunity! And I know you'll make the most of it, and now we're all going to just sit back with little knowing smiles on our faces and enjoy the tsunami of new Twitter followers and Facebook "likes" that are going to come flooding into fandom after the first five minutes or so of Judge Johnny...

Which reminds me: It's time to judge how well you did on the trivia challenge! Here are the answers to Part 1:

1) d; 2) a; 3) e; 4) c; 5) b; 6) a; 7) d; 8) c; 9) d; 10) a;
11) c; 12) a; 13) d

And here's Part 2! Enjoy rooting around in Johnny's past quotes while we imagine what fresh Word-of-Weirsus delights await us in the coming weeks ... Nancy, are you ready for this?

14) Johnny said he would never wear what to a press conference?
a. A boa
b. Bunny-fur slippers
c. Illusion mesh
d. Big fuzzy animal costumes
e. Purple pajamas

15) Johnny said that when he first met Priscilla Hill, she was wearing a beaver fur coat and ....
a. A velvet onesie
b. A Dalmatian-from-Disney hat
c. A bustier and fishnets
d. A Mighty Mouse T-shirt
e. A Mongolian fur blanket

16) Johnny said that one of his costumes would be made of:
a. Chicken breasts
b. Whipped cream
c. Two Bandaids and a cork
d. Korean barbeque
e. Four whoopie pies

17) If Johnny never has a baby, he'll be happy to end up with a furry dog and ...
a. Estrellita
b. A yak
c. A ferret
d. A raccoon
e. Eric Alt

18) Johnny said he'd wear anything once except ...
a. Farm wear
b. Fur nipple covers
c. A mirdle
d. Pants made of feathers
e. A mini-skirt made of marabou

19) When Johnny goes into a jump, he thinks about ...
a. Cotton candy
b. Not falling
c. A can of pork and beans
d. Faberge eggs
e. Fluffernutter

20) When Johnny took a "funny tumble" during practice, he blamed it on ...
a. His Louboutin stillettos
b. Too much champagne
c. Chelsea Handler
d. A man eating french fries in the stands
e. Galina's cod sandwiches

21) Johnny said in "this line of work" nobody cares if:
a. Your left testicle falls out
b. You fold your panties
c. You're dapper
d. You're orange
e. You claim you're an hombre

22) Johnny threatened to smother Paris with:
a. Ping
b. Cheburashka
c. A Karl Lagerfeld T-shirt
d. A lynx skirt
e. A teddy bear

23) Johnny said that before Evan skated, he was going to give Evan a:
a. Bitch slap
b. Turquoise bag
c. Mook book
d. Massage
e. A muscle shirt and tattoos with grease stains

24) Johnny wanted to meet RuPaul to:
a. Learn how to avoid thong lines
b. Learn how to keep his "boobies" from falling out
c. Run his fingers down RuPaul's spine
d. Teach RuPaul to pairs skate
e. Learn how to tuck properly

25) While trying to teach Kathy Griffin to skate, Johnny told her:
a. She looked like a liver sausage in a wig
b. She belonged on the C-list
c. If he didn't like cats so much, he'd take her home
d. He should have worn pants
e. They should both eat during the early-bird special

26) Johnny offered Justin Beiber two pieces of advice: Don't get into drugs, and ...
a. Get a mullet
b. Definitely disco boogie
c. Don't wear leather pants
d. Wear a white speedo
e. Avoid swingage

Designer T. Rains and Johnny have teamed up to raise money and awareness for The Trevor Project! This organization is "determined to end suicide among LGBTQ youth by providing life-saving and life-affirming resources." Proceeds from the "Army of One" t-shirt sales will go to The Trevor Project foundation. Order yours today! Your support is greatly appreciated!
For more information, please visit www.thetrevorproject.org.

Yes! You can own a fine art print of Johnnyperfect for any/every room in the house! Prints of artist Peter Jurik's "Showtime!" are available for purchase from his website.More info here!

Here it comes: Johnny's quarter-century memoir,Welcome to My World, will be availableJanuary 11, 2011--that's just two months away!You can preorder it now on Amazon!

Very special thanks to Nancy Knisley,without whom today's blog entry would not exist!

Please remember to register to receivethe JW Art Project's email newsletter!
They have great tidbits to offer,
and you get a special sneak peek at an exclusive photo
from the Artbook when you sign up!

Special holiday offer!
In exchange for a donation to Toys for Tots,
Trish Aaron-Misiura will send you one handmade,
Johnny-inspired Christmas ornament! More info here!

Please vote for Johnny as "Must-Follow Personality"in the Fourth Annual Mashable Awards!To vote, enter "@JohnnyGWeir" in the box after "I nominate,"and then choose "Must-Follow Personality"from the pull-down menu.You can vote once a day until Monday, November 29!The top five in each category will advanceto the finalists' round, which begins December 1.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Special to the Blog: Yes, It's Weirology Wednesday! Or: SWTS = Some Weirisms To Share / Since We're Totally Starstruck

Kayso it's a good thing I already had this blog

pretty much written when this photo of Johnny

at the official prepaid Kardashian MasterCard launch

in NYC suddenly came across the Internet because OMG.

Absolutely so-stunning-I-have-no-words beautiful.

Huge kudos to Beauty Bears Eric Alt and Joey Camasta,

who are gods among stylists / artists--although it helps

to have such an impossibly gorgeous canvas

upon which to work their magic ...

So for those of you who may be missing out, there's this other fab Johnny blog produced by my friend and fellow Johnny fan, Nancy Knisley, called "The Quotable Johnny Weir." Subtitle: "Because Johnny Weir always says something worth quoting."

(Yes. Always. Even if it's just a word or two that becomes an instant hashtag classic, like #dapper. Or #pornorobot.)

Nancy's blog is another labor of love, put together with enormous time and effort on her part, and the result is a total treasure trove of Weirisms. Nancy painstakingly researches each quote so that we have not only what Johnny said, but where, when, and how to find it online if possible. It is an absolutely priceless collection that I refer to daily, and sometimes just roll around in when I need to. (Like I'm going to do with these if I ever get my brain back to functioning enough to be able to click on a link.) There's a reason Nancy's blog carries this cautionary label:

Warning: This blog contains nothing but Johnny Weir quotations. Reading them may become habit-forming.

Nancy posted her first entry on August 17 of this year. And yesterday--just 85 days after she began her blog--she found herself posting quote #500:

Tara is wonderful lady. She has really supple ... calves.

[Tara: You're very sexy.]

Thank you so much. You know I don't shave.
--(as Viacheslav Romanov), Be Good Johnny Weir, "God Bless America," Season 1, Ep. 8

Nancy said to me, "Isn't it astonishing that one young man could say so many quotable things? And I still have a backlog of several hundred!"

Yes, he's amazing. And very wise for his age. And also really, really funny.

And as we were exclaiming over Johnny's quotability--one of many, many characteristics of his that is exclamation-worthy ...

.......................

... but I digress ...

--Nancy suggested that really, 500 quotes was a milestone that deserved some kind of celebration.

And I wholeheartedly agreed.

And so, today we co-present--by which I mean Nancy did all the work, and I cracked up at what she sent and then copied and pasted it here--this fabulous Johnny trivia quiz based on the quotes Nancy has catalogued thus far in her blog journey. At first we were just going to run ten questions, but I loved them all so much that I'm using every single one she sent me via a two-part post. Because it's not like we don't have an endless supply... (BRB checking Johnny's Twitter feed ...)

So here's Part 1 of your JW trivia challenge! Test your knowledge, and please check back here tomorrow for the correct answers to Part 1, and more questions in Part 2!

Yes, here it is again
because it seems way
too hard to have to
scroll up to see it
but Sweet Weirsus
we need to see it

1) Johnny once said that if he were an ice cream flavor, he'd be:
a. Tutti frutti
b. Vanilla
c. Baileys Irish Cream
d. Rocky Road
e. Chocolate Macadamia

2) The person who once wished Johnny success on his "porno movie" was:
a. Viacheslav Romanov
b. Galina Zmievskaya
c. Orange Mongoose
d. Amy Larocca
e. John Waters

3) When Johnny first lived alone, he slept with what next to his bed?
a. A piece of Louis Vuitton luggage
b. Paris Childers
c. Ping
d. An ice hockey stick
e. A kitchen knife

4) Johnny said he was like what Star Wars character?
a. Obi-Wan Kenobi
b. Princess Leia
c. Yoda
d. C-3PO
e. Wicket W. Warrick

5) Johnny told Tara she smelled like:
a. Cuties clementines
b. Brisket
c. Lemon pledge
d. Armpit and chicken soup
e. Zamboni fumes

6) Johnny told Tara her feet looked like:
a. Tumbleweeds
b. Bambi's
c. A giant banana
d. Pointy sneakers made of matryoshka dolls
e. She was wearing skis

And again, this time
in Old Hollywood
black-and-white
glam style (thanks
to Deb Walsh
for this idea)

7) The superpower Johnny would most like to have is:

a. Mind control

b. Invisibility

c. Morphing

d. Flying

e. Running in heels

8) Johnny told a TMZ cameraman that his tassel was:

a. Hanging from the rear view mirror of his Lexus

b. At home, playing Mario Kart

c. On his underpants

d. Doing an interview with Billy Bush
e. Being worn by Lady Gaga

9) Johnny said that his Aunt Diane is afraid of:
a. Crockpots
b. Improperly cut cheese
c. Everyone wearing the same thing
d. Germs
e. Galina

10) Johnny said he'd love anything Chanel, even if it was:
a. A bag from a moist towelette
b. Previously worn by Joan Rivers
c. A hockey player's athletic cup
d. A brussel sprout
e. Pants that are "a little snug"

11) While visiting Tara's apartment, Johnny asked her, "Where's your ..."
a. Glue gun
b. Hair rollers
c. Vibrator
d. Menorah
e. Vacuum

12) Johnny said his secret crush was:
a. Ice cream
b. Peter Carruthers
c. Hello Kitty
d. Windex
e. Larry King

13) Johnny said that if he were introduced to Christina Aguilera, he would:
a. Faint
b. Ask her for an autograph
c. Yell, "cocaine!"
d. Pee
e. Suggest that she drink Organic Valley reduced-fat chocolate milk

Ahhhhh just one last time....

Here it comes: Johnny's quarter-century memoir,Welcome to My World, will be availableJanuary 11, 2011--that's just two months away!You can preorder it now on Amazon!

Very special thanks to Nancy Knisley,without whom today's blog entry would not exist!

Special holiday offer!
In exchange for a donation to Toys for Tots,
Trish Aaron-Misiura will send you one handmade,
Johnny-inspired Christmas ornament! More info here!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

SWTS: Silent When They Should -- SAY SOMETHING!!!

So, how about that announcement from SWTS? About the pro skaters and judges?!?! Wow!

-crickets-

-tumbleweeds-

Um, yeah. Still waiting here ... as patiently as you might expect, just lightly drumming my fingers on my desk and, with my other hand, idly ripping out all my hair ...

So thank goodness Agentress Tara came swooping in yesterday to save me from myself with the announcement of yet another show on Johnny's upcoming schedule!

The show is being hosted by Perani Arena and Event Center in Flint, Michigan, and will follow a format similar to April's Ice Dreams (side note: See Johnny's impression of Tara re: wanting him to skate in Ice Dreams here, from about 42:08 to 42:39. Still lol'ing forever), in which 100 junior skaters from the Flint area will be chosen via American Idol-style auditions to skate in the show with Johnny! Interested junior skaters can sign up by filling out this form.

Melissa Gregory and Denis Petukhov also will be performing, and, in a really nice gesture of holiday spirit, the show will be raising money for the Food Bank of Eastern Michigan in Flint--one of the areas of the country hardest hit by the recession.

You can get HDOI tickets by calling 810-744-0580. But here's the best part! From Tara's post on Johnny's Facebook fan page yesterday:

"[This show also will have] a special VIP meet-n-greet! VIP tickets are $200 each, and will include on-ice seating and a VIP party pass. But, for this event, we are limited to 50 VIP guests. This will help us make sure that those who have paid for VIP tickets get a chance to visit with Johnny. Sooooooooo: The first 50 people who email me at holidaydreamsonice@gmail.com to request VIP tickets will be the lucky VIPs! You will receive a confirmation email back with instructions on how to pay for your VIP ticket. So hurry and email me! I’m waiting to hear from you! See you in Flint!"

I'm impressed that Fireworks has listened to the concerns of fans about various meet-n-greets held throughout this past year, and are responding by offering an opportunity for a smaller group to meet with Johnny and actually get a chance to visit with him. I appreciate Fireworks' willingness to try to accommodate fans, and I hope that Tara is already getting flooded with emails! Calling all Chicago-area fans: This is just a scant five-hour drive for you! Let's do it! (And let's happily assume there isn't going to be a Midwestern blizzard that weekend ....)

Finally, we also have other exciting news to report: The Australia shows have been confirmed by an excellent source!

So @alexcooke and his stepmum really were as knowledgeable as we had hoped--thank you, Alex! He's now offered to scan in a flyer for the show, if he can, and post it (maybe via twitpic?) for all of us who are insatiable when it comes to Johnny news--even news about shows that there's no possible way we could attend but we don't care we still wanna see the poster ...

OK. Let me get this straight:

Australia Dec. 2, 3, 4; Texas Dec. 8; Michigan Dec. 11.

(... plus maybe SWTS in LA every Monday ...)

Wow. That's like 37,000 miles in nine days plus the square root of actually, you know, skating = maximum potential for exhaustion. But I hope all the shows go really really well, that there's a great turnout at every single event, and that Johnny stocks up on plenty of Cold-EEZE just to be safe ...

Here it comes: Johnny's quarter-century memoir,Welcome to My World, will be availableJanuary 11, 2011--that's just two months away!You can preorder it now on Amazon!

Special holiday offer!
In exchange for a donation to Toys for Tots,
Trish Aaron-Misiura will send you one handmade,
Johnny-inspired Christmas ornament! More info here!

Monday, November 8, 2010

All the News That's Fit to Tweet

Well, the good people at ABC certainly know how to ~~annoy us beyond belief with their stubborn reluctance to admit the obvious already WTF people~~ keep us in suspense, don't they? My guess is they're going to maybe reveal the pro skaters sometime this week--maybe today?--since said skaters are already easily identifiable (yes! That is Denis Petukhov with Sean Young!) in this video posted LAST THURSDAY by Entertainment Tonight:

And then maybe NEXT WEEK after I've chewed off my fingernails halfway up my arm (note to self: remember to use "arm chewy-offy" in a sentence soon), they might get around to announcing the judges as they build the excitement leading up to the first episode of this show FINALLY and sweet Weirsus how many days doth November actually have? Because wow the 22nd can't get here soon enough for me ...

So in the meantime I noticed that there is a little bit of a naysaying storm going on, with a lot of people across the Interwebz scoffing at this whole idea and asking exactly how far did ABC have to stretch the concept of "stars" in order to accommodate those whom they cast, but I am blithely ignoring all that and instead rolling around in this wonderful little writeup from the fine folks at Zap2It and their seven-million-strong monthly readership titled, "A Case for 'Skating With the Stars': 5 Reasons to Get Excited." Because here's what they identify as reason #3, direct from the article:

"3. Johnny Weir

"No, there is absolutely no foundation to this whatsoever, but we'll be dipped in you-know-what if Johnny Weir isn't somehow involved with this series. He's been crouching like a bedazzled puma in the jungle of fringe media for too long. This is just the project to put his colorful personality front and center. If ABC hasn't already locked him down, they best move fast."

Yes yes yes yes.

(Speaking of bedazzled pumas who ought to be front and center, tomorrow we find out whether or not we were successful in getting BGJW a spot on the People's Choice ballot! Here's hoping our power-tweeting paid off ... )

So while we've been waiting and while we continue to wait and did I mention I'm really not very good at waiting for all this potential Johnny excitement in TV-land to maybe happen, all of a sudden over the weekend a bunch of ice-show announcements popped up in various places and so hey! Check these out!

First we have a tweet from Alex Cooke in Australia, who notes that based on his impeccable source--his stepmother, who is organizing the show--he's happy to announce that:

A quick check of the Icehouse website reveals--nothing yet, which leads me to the strong suspicion that the same people who are in charge of announcing stuff for SWTS are also running an ice rink in Melbourne, Australia... How is it that they are not blaring this from the rooftops? Or at least quietly already selling tickets? But no, one must politely wait until next Tuesday, like Popeye waiting for Wimpy, for tickets to go on sale for a scant two weeks before the show. All righty then. (But hey, don't forget that every Wednesday is Glam Night at the Icehouse!)

Anyhoooooo: Next there appeared on Facebook, thanks to alert fan Gary Podschun, this charming poster of a gigantic WREATH. Decorated with oddly out-of-proportion skaters (how is Scott Hamilton this much larger than Evgeni Plushenko? Yes, I get that we're going for artistic perspective here, but honestly it looks like the WREATH could eat Plushenko alive. While a Hagrid-sized Scott looks on congenially).

But one of those skaters happens to be--Johnny!

Now there are several amazing things about this: (1) They're already selling tickets even though this show happens AFTER the Australia shows; (2) Holy Grilled Cheesus this show is right after the Australia shows jet-lag much?; and (3) The tickets are only $15. Wow! FIFTEEN DOLLARS. Even I can afford that without any type of Craigslist advertisement involved. Or this is a misprint that will have the poster producer tied up in litigation for the next ten years. But since I'm still all giddy from the Zap2It article, Imma go with yay! It's only $15! And just 1,100 miles from here! (And also very inspiring because the show celebrates cancer survivorship.)

And then finally we have one of the most frabjous announcements ever:

I dunno what it says because my daughter is already asleep, but I LOVE the graphics and I know what it means: Johnny is skating the role of the Mad Hatter in "Alice in Wonderland on Ice," January 2, 3, and 4, in Moscow, Russia! And I can't help but be THRILLED for his Russian fans, who were so disappointed when his Kings on Ice dates didn't work out this fall. Get more info and your tickets here! (Or here, if you want to enjoy Google's whimsical translation of the page.)

This should be an absolutely fanTAStic show! Alexei Yagudin skated the role in the St. Petersburg production recently wearing this costume:

OMG.

Maybe they'll alter the costume for Johnny, but THE HAT. Please keep the hat. This is a hat that could eat the WREATH and Plushenko and Scott Hamilton. And Kurt Browning for dessert.

So there you have it! (plus a quiet little rumor that Johnny may be skating in an upcoming charity event in the US near the holidays ... ) And maybe someday we'll ALSO have an actual announcement from ABC actually announcing that there will be actual judges on SWTS, one of whom maybe could actually be Johnny. Or we could always hope that Alex Cooke's stepmom is in charge and has SWTS firmly under control, in that brisk and friendly Australian way, and Alex will be tweeting about it soon ...

Here it comes: Johnny's quarter-century memoir,Welcome to My World, will be availableJanuary 11, 2011--that's just two months away!And you can preorder it now on Amazon!

Special holiday offer!
In exchange for a donation to Toys for Tots,
Trish Aaron-Misiura will send you one handmade,
Johnny-inspired Christmas ornament! More info here!