The very first photo I ever ran of Johnny
back on February 28, 2010.
back on February 28, 2010.
Wow. I almost can't believe it. Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of this blog!
Which I didn't even write about cuz I kinda dozed off watching the Oscars Sunday night and had this really weird dream ...
"Welcome to tonight's Oscars telecast, brought to you by USFS and ISU, your official source for the best in 'discriminating' sports entertainment since 2004! And here's your host, the one and only Johnny Weir!"
Johnny skates across the giant ice-cube of a stage to the beat of "Dirty Love" and lands a perfect triple axel-triple toe. He's wearing a reprise of his Villionaire outfit, which is to say just a loincloth and generous amounts of glitter. Dozens of men and women are immediately overcome and have to be carried from the theater on stretchers. Some can be heard moaning softly, "Let me just get myself ready ... "
The picture is abruptly lost. It is replaced with a static test pattern overlaid with the standard phrase, "OMGIDIE," for several minutes.
"And we're back! Not only is Johnny your host this evening, he's also been nominated in every category! (since he didn't get nominated for an Emmy)."
Johnny frowns momentarily, then flashes a dazzling smile.
"In an unprecedented development, Evan Lysacek and Patrick Chan also have been nominated in every category. Please enjoy this clip montage as we prepare to announce tonight's winners."
Clip 1: Titanic remake. Cut to Evan in ill-fitting captain's uniform, delivering a lecture on safety procedures in bronotone. The other passengers take turns pushing each other off the ship to escape. Cut to Johnny, who gracefully and fluidly rescues everyone and offers helpful fashion tips to the soaked but delighted passengers. One man is especially grateful after Johnny kindly explains that his socks are sending all the wrong messages. Cut to Patrick. He falls out of a lifeboat.
Clip 2: King Kong remake. Cut to Evan in ill-fitting scientist's lab coat, describing silverback gorilla mating rituals in bronotone to a high-society audience in an auditorium. People take turns lighting each other on fire to escape. Cut to Johnny, nimbly and elegantly scaling the Empire State Building to reach Kong and ever-so-gently suggest that perhaps a trim and some Clé de Peau High-Performance Cream could make all the difference in his relationship with Ann. Cut to Patrick. He falls off the Empire State Building.
Clip 3: Godfather remake (the first one, of course. Hello.). Cut to Evan in ill-fitting double-breasted pinstriped suit with odd snake-shaped kerchief in his pocket, explaining in bronotone to assorted Mafia capos that it's time to take it to the mattresses which he doesn't evan know what that means. The capos take turns shooting each other to escape. Cut to Johnny in his Kentucky Derby outfit. He's playing poker with the capos, but they've halted the game to admire his manicure. Paulie from the Sopranos makes a cameo appearance to discuss the merits of a satin finish. Cut to Patrick. He falls out of bed clutching a stuffed horse.
"OK! And the winner in all categories is ... Patrick Chan!"
Before Johnny can react, the entire Cabal bursts through the theater doors chanting, "Wow, this judging really sucks! Patrick Chan???? What the f---"
And then I woke up.
Yep, my very first entry was February 28, 2010. That's also when I first noted I'd be posting "content exclusively devoted to all things Johnny Weir until I am able to at least partially recover some semblance of interest in something else."
Thus far I have been unable to do that. (You may have noticed.)
I just adore this man.
From Nationals last year to the Olys to his withdrawal from Worlds to taking a year off to red carpets and petitions and Miss USA and #realityWEIR and tatty terry robes and glue guns and Cabals and HRC Visibility Awards and Out 100 and Skater of the Year and "Dirty Love" and Welcome to My World and Fashion Week; from Japan to China to Australia to Russia and back again; from heartbreak to sabbatical to multiple awards to whatever's next--I remain endlessly fascinated and fully immersed in enjoying the beauty, the sparkle, the fierceness, the fragility, the occasional bit of delicious snark, the people, and the love that he's brought into my world.
Did I mention he's fabulous?
And through it all, no matter what else was going on or what whiplash moments we fans careened through ("LOVE BGJW!" "Evan said stupid shit!" "Now Johnny called him a 'slore'!" "Yay for new vocabulary!" "Yay for a new episode of BGJW!" "OMG that HAT! I love it!" "This MAMMOTH thing shoved in me ... " "Season finale of BGJW!" "Wait, 'season' or 'series'?" "He's recording a song!" "I think they mean 'season'..." "He's writing a book!" "So will there be a Season 2?" "Evan tweeted stupid shit!" "Wow, that's so ... dapper." "Wait, he absolutely loves his WHAT?" "Peonies. I'm sure he said 'peonies'..." "Is he doing DWTS?" "No, it's SWTS!" "WTF Bethenny?" "I love the song!" "I love the book!" "Seriously they're not even gonna let him speak?" "OMG WHEN does the new season of BGJW start?" "Yay for IceNetwork livestreams!" "Is he going to compete again?" "IDK I'm just a cluster of nerves ... ") there's been one constant, one foundation, one rock that we could always count on through thick and thin:
The sheer unutterable short-sighted mean-spirited arrogantly misguided and self-defeating stupidity of figure-skating officialdom.
It's so nice to look back and see that wonderfully solid underpinning in everything we've been through, isn't it? Like a lovely cornerstone of granite. Which apparently is what their heads and hearts are made of. Also their eyes.
And so as I embark on Year Two of the blog, I remain absolutely riveted to see what Johnny will do next.
So yesterday he tweeted this:
Skating practice? Video? AUDITION? Whaaa ... ? What does it all mean???
And an hour later, this:
(BTW we love that you YouTube. ♥)
Which brings us to this:
From fan Tatiana Edrenkina on Twitter: "Just in case U didn't recognize music of Johnny Weir's new SP: it's Alfred Schnittke, A Fairytale of Wanderings: http://tinyurl.com/6xzefeh. The light of this gloomy (yet beautiful) story is that patience, hope and love can reanimate even the most ruthless souls." Seems like a very classic and beautiful Johnny choice. And fan Gary Podschun points out that "Maria Butyrskaya skated to the song in 2002 Olympics," when she was 29--the same age Johnny will be when the Winter Olys take place in Sochi, Russia, in 2014. (Maria finished sixth in 2002, but we have higher hopes for Johnny ...
BRB having more dreams ...)
BRB having more dreams ...)
So here's the thing:
IF Johnny returns to competing next season, there are going to be more people following his competitive career than ever before. A LOT more people. By which I mean THOUSANDS. He has the largest fan base of any figure skater. Ever. In. The. World. He just gained FIVE THOUSAND Twitter followers in February ALONE. He now stands at 85,212 on Twitter and 52,684 on Facebook. And those numbers will be outdated by the time you reach the end of this sentence.
(Flashback: One year ago, on 03/02/2010, he had 41,172 Twitter followers and 28,496 Facebook fans. Evan has fewer on Facebook NOW than Johnny had on Twitter THEN. Just sayin'.)
That's a lot of people suddenly paying close attention to figure skating in all its arcane, stiff, out-of-step (or straight-out-of-Stepford) conservative glory and its incomprehensible points system and its sleazy politics resulting in whimsically random deductions for a "wrong edge" here and an "under-rotation" there.
It's going to be a lot harder to hide their bullshit.
I wonder if those FS officials are prepared for this level of scrutiny, under the very bright media spotlight that shines unsparingly on Johnny and everything around him wherever he goes, with hundreds of thousands of people watching every powerful jump, every gorgeous spin, every graceful gesture flowing right down to his fingertips, and every score--and for the massive outcry that will follow if blatantly biased judging once again rears its ugly head.
Nope. They are so not ready for Johnny 2.0.
LOL.
I almost feel sorry for them.
Almost.
Thank you, Johnny, for one of the most amazing
and unforgettable years of my life!
Me and 137,896 of my closest friends
can't wait to cheer for you
in whatever you choose to do!
Special thanks to someone other than me
who coined "bronotone"!
in whatever you choose to do!
Special thanks to someone other than me
who coined "bronotone"!
P.S. In the meantime while we're waiting to see what Johnny's doing, HERE IS A VIDEO THAT IS NOT TO BE MISSED:
(Same weekend as the Annually Awesome
Columbus Gay Pride Parade--win-win!)
Hey, Johnny's performing in St. Petersburg, Russia,
on March 8 in a special ice show
that is a tribute to the legendary skater and coach
Alexei Mishin!
on March 8 in a special ice show
that is a tribute to the legendary skater and coach
Alexei Mishin!
More info on Johnny's Events page!
"Buy my single,'Dirty Love' via iTunes.
Tell all your friends to as well. The more copies sold
takes me one step closer to making a video! №1!"
THE WORLD NEEDS THIS VIDEO
IN THE SAME WAY THAT IT NEEDS AIR.
IN THE SAME WAY THAT IT NEEDS AIR.
You know what to do.
or just click the "Buy" button on the player
at the top of the blog!
Hey, Welcome to My World also is available
as an eBook! More info on Johnny's website!
