SWTS, Episode 2: Attack of the Bitch Slap! Because 9.36 Million of My Closest Friends Can't Be Wrong!

The lovely Melissa Gregory offers a recap of SWTS episode 1
and invites your comments on her YouTube channel!
She'll be bringing us the inside scoop each week
(while we're busily voting for her husband, Denis Petukhov ... )

---

Yes! SWTS episode 2 is tonight!!!

Let's pause and remember this moment from last Monday's premiere:

And this one:

And also this one:

Yet despite all this mesmerizing fabulousness (and I get giddy just imagining what glorious .giffy goodness might come out of tonight's episode. BTW I just mistyped that as "epidose" which, given the current level of my addiction, seems medically accurate), episode 1 had hardly finished airing last week before the naysayers pounced, decrying the premiere's "poor showing" in the ratings and sagely announcing that it was DOA.

I beg to differ.

You know, it's all about the spin. And I'm not talking about on the ice. I leave that to Johnny, and also the wonderful Denis Petukhov. (#TeamDenis! #Votevotevote!)

The initial overnight Nielsen ratings indicated that SWTS benefited from some DWTS spillover in its first hour, starting off with 19.45 million viewers. The perceived problem is that this number dwindled steadily throughout the program's 107 minutes to eventually end at 6.9 million.

It's that 6.9 million that has the headshakers out in force, abandoning the pulse-check and drawing up the sheet while the patient is actually still breathing just fine on his own and is, in fact, trying to text his mom.

Excuse me.

As if 6.9 million people showing up to watch TV is like nothing.

It's sure as hell more than I would want to have over for Thanksgiving.

(Although we did actually prepare enough food for them all. Really. Oh, while you're here, could I make you a turkey sandwich? Or 40?)

But article after article snitches up its nose and harrumphs as if we're talking about a number that simply involves hauling out the extra card-table chairs from the downstairs closet and setting them up in the living room. There we go: Seating for 6.9 million. Done. Let me just grab the extra napkins and we'll be all set.

Oh, BTW: The final adjusted ratings indicate that SWTS actually garnered 9.36 million viewers. Which means we might indeed have needed one more pumpkin pie after all.

So, in a holiday week where even Glee experienced a 20% drop to land barely above SWTS at 10.41 million, let's put these numbers in perspective, shall we?

Here's how SWTS' 9.36 million stacks up against last week's ratings for some other popular programs:

House -- 9.24 million

How I Met Your Mother -- 8.73 million

The Simpsons -- 6.59 million

Lie to Me -- 5.63 million

Chuck -- 4.80 million

WWE Raw -- 4.73 million

Sarah Palin's Alaska -- 3.04 million
(This gives me hope for America, especially since Palin's ratings dropped 40% from the previous week's premiere of about 5 million. Although there are still 3 million people who inexplicably tuned in for the second episode and to whom I'll be writing gentle notes of support and encouragement [WTF is wrong with you Holy Mother of Gaga don't give this woman any more attention don't even make eye contact PLEASE we're trying to ignore her so she'll just GO AWAY] as soon as I finish this entry. But in any case, Johnny and SWTS premiered in nearly twice as many households as did Sarah. Hello, Congress. The people have spoken. Pay attention and repeal DADT already. And how about marriage equality for all ? Here, I'll get you some more pie while you're working on that ...)

So WTF with all the doomsday scenarios? No, SWTS is not Masterpiece Theatre. Let's all be OK with that. And no, I'm not some highly paid bean-counter executive in TV-land, nor an online in-love-with-the-sound-of-my-own-snark TV critic, nor even a math-challenged judge for the USFSA. I'm just a consumer WITHIN (barely but I'm hanging on with a death grip here) THAT ALL-IMPORTANT 18-49 demographic who does, in fact, make all the major purchasing decisions in my household. So listen up, because I'm one of the ones that the networks want watching their stuff.

Yes, there were some rough spots in SWTS, and some room for improvement (More Johnny! More Tanith! Less Vernon! Or how about all Tanith and no Vernon? I'm sure he's a nice guy--all sexting aside erm OK maybe "nice" isn't the word I'm looking for here--but I don't think he's connecting well with the American audience. But Tanith, unscripted and free to comment with all the considerable charm and knowledge she possesses, could be magic. Throw in Johnny skating every week and you've got ratings to the power of unicorns).

And yes, Monday night's DWTS audience was 24.20 million. But comparing SWTS' premiere numbers with the juggernaut that is the DWTS finale is grossly unfair. Skating is rather more of a niche audience. Everybody thinks they can dance. Fewer people can relate to skating. A lot of people even realize they can't skate. I'm one of them. But I love to watch other people do it. It's interesting and pretty and risky. Like that boy I regret never dating back in high school.

But mostly I love to look at Johnny and listen closely to everything he says about bunnies and weaves and priorities, which only he could cover lucidly and most enjoyably within a single episode of any show, and then look at him some more. And then ask my friend Jenn to .gif the hell out of everything he just did.

And I'm not alone. Me and my 9.36 million friends already have the chairs set up and the last of the leftovers ready to serve. (Yeah, I know: Tonight's SWTS episode may draw fewer viewers than last week's premiere did. But that's OK because I'm really running short on gravy now anyway.)

And given a few more epidoses, a whole lot more people are going to discover the riveting magnetic undeniable overpowering we're talking world-domination-level here fascination that is Johnny.

We're definitely going to need a bigger room.

So back off, negative spinmeisters, get the f*ck out of the way from in front of my TV, and let me watch Johnny and Denis and all the rest just do their thing.

Sheesh. You people are analyzing numbers like you don't know anything.

Which reminds me: Anybody catch the new commercial from the USFSA?

---

The next episode of Skating With the Stars

airs TONIGHT
at 8 pm EST / 7 pm CST!

Don't miss it!

---

Yes! There are still VIP meet-n-greet tickets available
for Holiday Dreams on Ice,
the spectacular December 11 show starring Johnny
and hosted by Perani Ice Arena in Flint, Michigan!
The meet-n-greet is limited to just 50 guests,
so reserve your VIP tickets today with this form!

---

Please remember to check out
Johnny's new official website!
It debuted recently to many rave reviews
on Twitter and Facebook,
so be sure to take a look around!
Love the intro page with the Swan photo
and handwritten note from Johnny. :)

---

Designer T. Rains and Johnny have teamed up to raise money and awareness for The Trevor Project! This organization is "determined to end suicide among LGBTQ youth by providing life-saving and life-affirming resources." Proceeds from the "Army of One" t-shirt sales will go to The Trevor Project foundation. Order yours today! Your support is greatly appreciated!

For more information, please visit www.thetrevorproject.org.

---

Yes! You can own a fine art print of Johnnyperfect for any/every room in the house! Prints of artist Peter Jurik's "Showtime!" are available for purchase from his website.More info here!

---

Here it comes: Johnny's quarter-century memoir,Welcome to My World, will be availableJanuary 11, 2011--that's just two months away!You can preorder it now on Amazon!

---

Please remember to register to receivethe JW Art Project's email newsletter!
They have great tidbits to offer,
and you get a special sneak peek at an exclusive photo
from the Artbook when you sign up!

---

Special holiday offer!
In exchange for a donation to Toys for Tots,
Trish Aaron-Misiura will send you one handmade,
Johnny-inspired Christmas ornament! More info here!

---

Very special thanks to the amazing Jenn Kittler,Official Johnny .Giftress for the blog,for her invaluable .gif contributionsthat rendered me useless once I saw themsince then I had to just watch themoverandoverandoverandover ...

---

Please vote for Johnny as "Must-Follow Personality"in the Fourth Annual Mashable Awards!To vote, enter "@JohnnyGWeir" in the box after "I nominate,"and then choose "Must-Follow Personality"from the pull-down menu.VOTING ENDS TODAY, Monday, November 29!The top five in each category will advanceto the finalists' round, which begins December 1.

---

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved