The Best of Binky's Johnny Weir Blog: July 2010

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Exclusive! Interview With the Agentress: All About Lake Placid!

Agentress Extraordinaire Tara Modlin

takes good care of Johnny,

even when that means getting on a plane

in Salt Lake City at the crack of o'dark thirty ...

In the midst of doing absolutely everything there is to do while checking her list of additional stuff to do and keeping tabs on the list of stuff to do later in between checking her e-mail for stuff that needs to be done right now because somewhere in the world, the future is yesterday, Agentress Extraordinaire Tara Modlin was kind enough to take time out (and how she managed that I have no idea, although I think it has something to do with an amazing ability to bend the time-space continuum while managing briskly on the last good sleep she had which I believe was sometime in 2005) to answer our five most pressing questions about Lake Placid: The myth. The legend. The mini-golf.

While Tara is a native Long Islander (you may have heard Johnny ~~make terrible fun of her for that~~ kindly mention that fact on BGJW), she moved to Lake Placid when she was in ninth grade to train as a competitive skater with a world-famous Russian coach. Her mother moved to Lake Placid with her, while her father remained on Long Island and drove six hours one way every weekend to be with his wife and daughter ("Yes, I have the best parents in the world!" Tara says). Tara's brother, Troy--six years her senior and the "epitome of an older brother," she says--visited often to encourage his sister to "wipe out," by which of course he meant, "Good luck!" (Obviously this was excellent preparation for dealing with a certain impossibly charming and sometimes simply impossible male skater who would enter her life some years later ...)

Tara's teen years in Lake Placid are among her happiest, and thus the annual skating show there is one of her favorite events of the year. All the more reason to join her and what's-his-name--you know, that guy who's always torturing her by snuffling her and snarking about her pedicure and generally making her life a hilarious living hell, much to his own great amusement--this weekend to enjoy the show and get a glimpse of some of what makes Lake Placid very dear to Tara's heart.

Q. What are some of your favorite memories of your years in Lake Placid?

A. It's hard to pick a favorite! I would have to say my favorites include skating with world champions Maya Usova and Alexander Zhulin; going to school with future Olympians at the National Sports Academy; my grandmas staying with me over the summers in a beautiful condo behind the mountain; and the school trying to make me do dish duty because I was late to class (for the tenth time that week, I’m sure), and I couldn’t figure out why people were washing pots and pans by hand. First of all, I don’t know what a pot or a pan is for, and secondly, I would never think to not just throw one--whatever it is--into a dishwasher. [Note to Tara: I so totally get you, BB.] Anyway, this turned out to be a dangerous experience, as it involved a water fight with the cutest boy in school during which I hit my head on the sink and had to get stiches next to my eye. Oh, and another memory is being forced to run laps around the 1980 Olympic arena, and up and down the steps endlessly, to train--wait, that's not a favorite memory! That was torture! (I guess I loved torture even then ... ?)

Q. You. Johnny. Mini-golf. Discuss.

A. I have no idea!!! [We understand. There's really no explaining Johnny, is there?] When we were there last summer, we had some free time on Saturday, and so we all went mini-golfing. Maybe the fact that they encourage you to dress like pirates attracted us. Clearly the things that happen on a whim often turn out to be the best experiences!

Q. What’s the best place to eat in Lake Placid and why?
A. Oh, there's so much to choose from! Milano North's chocolate martinis are a must-try! Also Chair 6 breakfast/brunch (but be prepared for a wait ...). Jimmy’s 21 on Main Street is romantically fabulous--must eat at a table by the window. And Lisa G's is perfect for every Saturday night after an ice show! Oh, and don't forget T. Hoffman Auto Shop--OK, OK, you can't eat there, but it's Taylor Hoffman's shop, who is married to my wonderful friend Kari, and I love Kari and Taylor! And if anyone needs help with their car while they're in town, that's the place to go. The Hoffmans are amazing!

Q. What programs will Johnny be skating in Lake Placid? And does he need any help getting in and out of his costumes? We have 2,500 people eager to volunteer …
A. He'll definitely be performing Heartbroken. He's still deciding between Poker Face and Bad Romance ... Yes, he needs help, and right now, I’m it! So please, call the box office today at 518-523-3330! They put tickets on sale early just for Johnny!

[Cue sudden stampede to every available telephone. Chaos ensues as fans turn to wrestling one another for cell phones. Anything to just, you know, help Tara out with Johnny's costume changes. Really, she does so much already--let's give her a break, shall we? Because we are all really selfless and caring like that ... ]

Q. What’s the one thing fans should be sure to do while they’re in Lake Placid (other than squee over Johnny, you, and Patti, of course)?
A. Water ski on the lake, if they have time! Check out Captain Marney’s boat rentals! Also, please enjoy a stroll up and down Main Street--there's so much fun stuff there. And check out the ski jumps at the Olympic Jumping Center! Stand on the fake podium at the ski jumps and pretend that you're at the Olympics--it's an amazing feeling! (For more info, please check out the calendar of activities available this weekend at the Olympic Center.)

Thank you, Tara, for your kindness and patience with this interview and a thousand other questions; for taking such good care of Johnny; and for all the unsung things you do that no one ever knows about, but that I'm sure Johnny does not ever take for granted ...

See you all in Lake Placid!

Yes, you CAN pre-order tickets for Lake Placid!
Call the box office at 518-523-3330!
More info here!

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt to wear
in Sun Valley or Lake Placid

in honor of our Ride for Life project!

We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,

so now we're aiming for $10,000!

We're less than $2,000 away,

and we have until July 31 to get there!

Shirts are $20 each including shipping,

and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!

Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

Special thanks to Facebook fan Nicole Davis
for the three-photo series of Johnny and Tara!
Check out more of Nicole's own private Idaho
on YouTube, where she has posted additional
Sun Valley footage here and here!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Next Stop: Lake Placid!

Obligatory Sun Valley 2010

sleeveless-shirt-and-black-meggings photo #1 ...

... and #2. Sigh.

Wow. By all accounts, Sun Valley was a smashing success! The arena was sold out, rehearsal footage and pics were incredible, and both of Johnny's performances were huge crowd-pleasers (of course). And Johnny stayed afterward until every last fan received an autograph or photo or both, because he's just supremely gracious like that. Though not necessarily dapper.

Very special thanks go to Facebook fans Nicole Davis and Mackenzie Keller for posting way above and beyond the call of duty for all us wallflower fans who were stuck at home wistfully trolling Twitter and FB, sighing over the fact that Idaho might as well be in outer Mongolia, and then waiting for more pics and vids while idly making up mottos for outer Mongolia (motto: "A yak for everyone, and everyone on their yak!" Alternate motto #1: "Come yak it up with us!" Because outer Mongolia seems like a fun place. Alternate motto #2: "When the going gets tough, the tough get on their yaks!" Alternate motto #3: "Warning: Even if you're tough, riding a yak may make you, um, yak a little." Alternate motto #4: "Just the yaks, ma'am." Because I loved Jack Webb and I don't care if that makes me old. Hey, I was only nine when Dragnet went off the air. I still kinda am nine. Alternate motto #5: "Yakkity-yak, don't talk bak!" Yes, I'll be here all week! Try the veal!)

Actually, I might not be here all week. Because now that Sun Valley is over, you know what that means: Lake Placid is next! Agentress Tara's favorite event of the year! As seen in BGJW, episode 104! And I am seriously contemplating driving 17 hours across five states ~~because I'm not only drinking the Kool-Aid I'm mixing it and serving it to absolutely everyone I've ever met~~ just to take it all in: The beauty! The Olympic history! The skating! The mini-golf!

And that's just Johnny and Tara! I'm sure Lake Placid itself is interesting, too.

So to help whip us all into a frenzy of last-minute travel arrangements while we count down the seconds to Saturday and breathlessly await more dapper details on the FREE Lake Placid meet-n-greet announced last week, we present Lake Placid 2009: Timeless Memories of Tender Mini-Golf Moments and Other Random Dapper Events Captured Forever and Immortalized Here for Everybody and Their Dapper Yak. (All photos courtesy of Agentress Extraordinaire Tara Modlin, who does not own a yak--dapper or otherwise--as far as I know, but if she did, would, I'm sure, promptly train it to snuffle Johnny as big, big paybak.)

Please click photos for a larger view so you can read the fascinating but not really dapper dialogue, the accuracy of which may be just a tiny bit open to interpretation.

Left to right: Tara, Johnny,
and Tara's friends Carin and Shannon.
Yes, Tara's speech above, and Johnny's first two sentences,
are quotes from episode 104.
Everybody else has all the dialogue memorized too,
right, guys? Guys?

Carin and Tara, who would never conspire

against Johnny in any way. Of course not.

And yes, this is the famous golf course

from episode 104!

Tara, Johnny, and Carin.

(Note: I heard a rumor that Patti Weir

was the Ultimate Grand Supreme at mini-golf.

Once again, Patti FTW!)

Johnny with some of the young skaters

in the Lake Placid show last year.

Second from left is Jackie Mehner Smith,

Tara's best friend from high school!

Left to right: David Barba and James Pellerito,

the godfathers of BGJW; Tara's good friend Kari

from Lake Placid; Tara; and Patti Weir FTW.

Yes, you CAN pre-order tickets for Lake Placid!
Call the box office at 518-523-3330!
More info here!

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt to wear
in Sun Valley or Lake Placid

in honor of our Ride for Life project!

We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,

so now we're aiming for $10,000!

We're less than $2,000 away,

and we have until July 31 to get there!

Shirts are $20 each including shipping,

and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!

Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

Special thanks to Facebook fan Nicole Davis
for the obligatory Sun Valley 2010
sleeveless-shirt pics, and to
whoever made the fab yak postcard!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Behind the Scenes at Last Year's Sun Valley Show!

Kittens/Angels are descending on Sun Valley even as we speak, some having arrived yesterday, more coming in today, and all beyond excited to see Johnny perform Heartbroken and Poker Face (in the new costume)! Word is that rink management has promised the rink will be open tomorrow during rehearsals for the public to take pics and vids, which should of course be posted immediately to Twitter and Facebook for the rest of us who are sitting here glumly in front of our computers wondering why it didn't occur to us that really, 23 straight hours in a car is not so bad and if we left now we could be there by the time the rink opens for rehearsals so we could take pics and vids and post them ...

Sigh.

Anyway: Last year Melissa Gregory and Denis Petukhov (four-time U.S. silver medalist ice dancers who teamed with Johnny in the breathtakingly brilliant Fallen Angels program, and who also were fabulous at Ice Dreams in Bensenville earlier this year) joined Johnny for the Sun Valley show. And the result is some fun behind-the-scenes footage that Melissa and Denis--who were twit-pic- and YouTube-savvy way ahead of a certain other fabulous skater whom we adore but who really needs to be "twitter-picturing" about every hour or so just to keep up with demand, especially when the mullet may be in danger--so kindly shared with the world, which I discovered just this week and now bring to you here.

As you might imagine, all skating and no shopping could make Johnny an unhappy boy, so last year he, Melissa, and Denis spent some time off the rink at Deja Vu, a vintage clothing store in Ketchum, Idaho, about two miles south of Sun Valley. And thanks to Melissa and Denis, we have a record of their shopping trip in these hat-themed shots:

Sun Valley, I salute you.

Melissa and Johnny.

The Mad Hatters enjoy their photo session.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful,

which allows me to get away with wearing

a variety of unusual things on my head...

In addition, we have this priceless footage from the show. The first 45 seconds are a portion of Johnny skating to Hymne L'Amour (you can watch the full program from Sun Valley here). Then we cut to later in the show when he's struggling backstage to get into his original Poker Face costume and Melissa and Denis come to his aid, which is the first time I realized how many different pieces there are to that outfit. It's a high-pressure lol-fest as the minutes tick away, Johnny pretends to cry, and Denis tries to figure out what goes where, but it all comes together and the footage ends with Johnny on the ice and the opening bit of Poker Face:

And finally, we have this wonderful casual photo by Johnny's Angel Sue Olson, who is amazing with a camera. This was taken after rehearsals, when Johnny took some time to meet with fans, much to their delight!

OK then! That should definitely put everyone in the mood for a spectacular Sun Valley show! Johnny and Tara will be arriving tonight, and the fun begins tomorrow! Can't wait to see this year's pics and vids posted for all of us who are idly contemplating how fast we'd have to drive to travel 1,486 miles and still make it in time to get in on those rehearsal pics, which should surely involve tank tops and meggings again this year ...

Coming next week:
Lake Placid 2009 photo album
courtesy of Agentress Extraordinaire Tara Modlin!
Mini-golf, anyone?

Please check out Johnny's new entry
on the Sundance Channel's SUNFiltered blog!
At last the world knows why they're called "Dingles"!

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt to wear
in Sun Valley or Lake Placid

in honor of our Ride for Life project!

We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,

so now we're aiming for $10,000!

We're less than $2,000 away,

and we have until July 31 to get there!

Shirts are $20 each including shipping,

and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!

Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

Very special thanks to Johnny's U.S. Angel Sue Olson
and the dazzling Melissa Gregory and Denis Petukhov
for today's picspam!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Oh BTW Just One More Thing ...

Ahhhhhhhhh ...

I am still basking in the glory that is Johnny's 2010 USFSA Readers' Choice Figure Skater of the Year Award (Michelle Kwan Trophy)!

(I like giving the entire award name. It rolls off the tongue so beautifully, and lands so smoothly and perfectly, like Johnny's Fallen Angel jump combo, in the warm happy smugness that is mine today.)

Mmmmmmm ... The bliss of poetic justice, too rare a visitor in this world, but always so welcome ...

But I forgot to mention one really, really important point yesterday, and I've been kicking myself ever since. Although on the other hand, my oversight has fortunately provided me with today's topic, because otherwise we'd just have to settle for some picspam of last year's Sun Valley show which involves a number of photos of Johnny in tanktops and form-fitting black meggings ...

... I'm sorry what was I saying ...?

Oh yes. And you know, the one happy thing about this is that I can blame the USFSA again, and there's almost nothing I enjoy doing more than that, other than watching Johnny win endless awards. Or, just stand there and breathe (in a tank top and meggings). Whatever. I'm not picky.

Pardon me?

Oh. Right. Yesterday's oversight.

So after I had read the USFSA's announcement of the award, and also read and proofed the blog a billion times, and spent inordinate amounts of time squeeing on Facebook and Twitter and then re-reading the announcement and the blog again plus all the fab comments, this brief sentence from the USFSA press release suddenly leaped out at me in between perusing Sun Valley 2009 shots of Johnny like this:

Wha?

Oh yes, the all-important sentence:

"Weir also won the award in 2008."

And indeed, I did mention that loudly on the blog yesterday.

But you know, my historical knowledge of the USFSA and the Readers' Choice Award and pretty much any skating news that does not contain the phrase "Johnny Weir" is woefully inadequate. (Yes, I am dimly aware of previous elite skaters, such as Dorothy Hamill, Kristi Yamaguchi, Alexei Yagudin, and of course Michelle Kwan, but beyond that my grasp of figure-skating history is rather sketchy.)

And so the thought came to me: Hey. He just won this for the second time. Has anybody else done that? (Or done this:

... la la la la la ... )

Ahem. As it turns out, there's a part the USFSA left out because they were a little too busy giving details of his 2009-2010 competitive season with just the faintest air of aggrieved condescension ("Weir's 2009-10 season included a fourth-place finish at the Rostelecom Cup, a silver medal at the NHK Trophy and a bronze medal at the 2009 ISU Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final. His bronze-medal win at the 2010 AT&T U.S. Figure Skating Championships helped qualify him for the 2010 Olympic Winter Games, where he finished sixth.")

And that part is this:

Johnny now joins Michelle Kwan as one of the only two skaters to ever win the trophy more than once in the 21-year history of the Readers' Choice Award.

That little factoid seems like it might have warranted a mention in, oh, say, the first paragraph of the USFSA press release. Because not only did he win, he's the only other skater besides Michelle to ever win multiple times.

Of course, he's got a ways to go to equal Michelle's achievement. She won seven times--the last in 2003, when they just gave up and named the award for her.

But being the only other skater to win twice is surely a newsworthy point. And so I wish I had done my homework a little earlier and a little more thoroughly so I could have grasped sooner the even greater significance of this win for Johnny--and the fact that, as usual, the USFSA never misses an opportunity to slight him, just, you know, slightly.

So my apologies for not highlighting yesterday the full glory of Johnny's achievement or this photo ...

... what, dear ... ?

Oh, excuse me. Yes. But on the other hand--yay! Now we can just continue the squee-fest! Because he made figure-skating history twice over yesterday!--much to the deep chagrin, I am sure, of the USFSA, who has already pushed the article about his win further down their page, now positioning it as a lesser story underneath the truly gripping news that the Summer Team USA Camp is in Detroit this weekend.

While that certainly leaves me breathless with excitement, my heart will be in Sun Valley this weekend, where I am hoping that my fellow JWe fans lucky enough to be there in person will be twitpic'ing like crazy for the rest of us more stuff like this:

... because there really just isn't enough Sun Valley picspam to be had in this world, along with our side of poetic justice ...

Coming up:
A treasure trove of Sun Valley 2009 photos
courtesy of the amazing
Melissa Gregory and Denis Petukhov!

Please check out Johnny's new entry
on the Sundance Channel's SUNFiltered blog!
At last the world knows why they're called "Dingles"!

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt to wear
in Sun Valley or Lake Placid

in honor of our Ride for Life project!

We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,

so now we're aiming for $10,000!

We're less than $2,000 away,

and we have until July 31 to get there!

Shirts are $20 each including shipping,

and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!

Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

Very special thanks to Johnny's US Angels
Sue Olson and Casey Dickinson,
and Archangel Kristina Ziegler,
for these amazing photos of Sun Valley 2009
from the Johnny's Angels public forum!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Congratulations, Johnny: USFSA's Figure Skater of the Year!

Johnny Weir,

USFSA Readers' Choice Figure Skater of the Year,

at the end of his Fallen Angel
free skate program

in the 2010 Olympics.

I love irony.

I love that the God of my heart loves irony too.

I love that despite the USFSA's desperately determined efforts to ignore, bury, and distance themselves from Johnny Weir--their own three-time National Champion and two-time Olympian; despite the fact that his picture does not even appear with those of other skaters at the top of the USFSA website (yes, I realize that those are all 2010 medalists but he's more popular than all of them combined and his photo there would draw more visitors to explore the site--it's called "marketing savvy," USFSA); despite the fact that they pushed his name down to the third spot on the pulldown menu for "Figure Skater of the Year" (yes, I also realize the names were in order of the skaters' places at Nationals, but it makes me happy to be continuously annoyed with the USFSA so please don't interrupt me with additional facts when my rant is gathering steam); despite the fact that they completely left him out of the voting for "Greatest Skater Ever" even though he has singlehandedly drawn thousands of new fans to figure skating at a time when the sport's popularity has been declining; especially despite the cruelly myopic and truly indefensible judging of his soaring Olympic performances and the complete absence of USFSA support at his post-Olympic press conference; despite it all--

He won USFSA Readers' Choice Figure Skater of the Year! (again!)

YES!!!!!

[insert standing ovation here accompanied by creative hand gestures enthusiastically directed at the USFSA. Although even if they squint, their eyesight is obviously too poor to be able to discern what we're doing. Plus their stone faces make squinting difficult.]

I guess this is one competition even the USFSA couldn't ~~f*ck up~~ find a way to skew in someone else's favor.

Because this one wasn't up to them.

This one was decided by the people, who don't need a "Code of Points" or "GOE" or other incomprehensible numbers to be able to instinctively identify unequalled beauty, artistry, athleticism, and grace on the ice; who know bias, backroom deals, and appalling unfairness when they see it; who found themselves completely transported by Johnny's Olympic performances; who fell in love with him while following his struggles and triumphs as he allowed BGJW cameras to unsparingly chronicle his journey leading up to and including the 2010 Olympics; and who seized this chance to show the USFSA what everyone else in the world--or at least anyone who has eyes and a heart--can see:

Johnny Weir is a true champion.

And he's also the son of a very wise woman, who, when asked by the incomparable Viacheslav Romanov, "What destiny for Johnny?" answered, "To be a figure skater for the people ... more so than a figure skater for judges."

Absolutely. Patti Weir FTW.

So big, big congratulations, Johnny! We fans are so thrilled and so proud! And though Figure Skater of the Year doesn't even begin to cover it, it's a wonderful honor, and you have earned every inch of that trophy.

As well as a place in the hearts of people everywhere, who love you not only for what you do so brilliantly on the ice, but also for who you are.

In honor of Johnny's win, we're pleased to announce two new additions to our JWe-TV programming lineup! Join us each week for exciting episodes of:

Program Justice!: Watch all Johnny’s competition programs following 2006 … only this time they’re scored by an impartial panel of robot judges. Although these automatons lack the ability to feel any human emotion whatsoever, EVEN THEIR SOULLESS MICROPROCESSORS are keen enough to sense that he has been grossly underscored. All scores are corrected, and then we hop in a time machine to hurry back and rewrite history correctly! (Note: No robots were harmed in the making of this program, though one model EL6.485 was mysteriously found ripped limb-from-hard-drive behind a Chuck-E-Cheese's in Jersey City [motto: "Stay classy!"]. No suspects have been identified, but no one evan knows what those are anyway … )

The Johnny Awards: Just endless--and endlessly satisfying--replays of Johnny receiving medals, awards, honors, additional medals, crowns of roses, trophies, and yet more medals, all accompanied by cheering crowds and standing ovations. Future episodes include footage of him accepting his Emmy, Oscar, Grammy, Video Music Award, Pulitzer, the Nobel Peace Prize, and of course the gold medal at Sochi in 2014 ... :)

[la la la I haz a happy la la la la la]

Please check out Johnny's new entry
on the Sundance Channel's SUNFiltered blog!
At last the world knows why they're called "Dingles"!

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt to wear
in Sun Valley or Lake Placid

in honor of our Ride for Life project!

We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,

so now we're aiming for $10,000!

We're less than $2,000 away,

and we have until July 31 to get there!

Shirts are $20 each including shipping,

and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!

Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

Very special thanks to Facebook fans
Nicole Davis and Jessica Lane
for Program Justice!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Coming Soon to an Ice Arena Near You! (If You Happen to Be In or Around Upstate NY...)

(click, and then click again, for larger view)

Yes! He's back on the ice! Johnny is performing in Sun Valley, Idaho, this coming Saturday, July 24, much to the excitement of happy West Coast fans!

Then he heads to Lake Placid, New York, to appear in the Summer Ice Show Series there next Saturday, July 31. And that's a show that holds a special place in the heart of beloved Agentress Extraordinaire Tara Modlin.

"Lake Placid is my hood! My hometown! My fav place on earth!" she says. "And I want to pack the house!"

And to that end, Tara is announcing some big news exclusively here first: Yes, there will be a short meet-n-greet with Johnny in Lake Placid!

AND IT'S FREE!!!

(Wha? No, really. Wha? Can't. Comprehend. These. Words. Can they really be used in a sentence together like that?)

Yes, she assures fans, just for coming to the show, you also can attend the meet-n-greet for no extra charge. And with tickets priced at only $10 for ages 13 to 64; $8 for ages 7 to 12 amd 65+; and FREE for children ages 6 and under, this is an opportunity not to be missed!

The show starts at 7:30 p.m. and will be held in the Olympic Center at Lake Placid, which houses two ice arenas. Johnny will be skating in the smaller Jack Shea Arena, built for the 1932 Olympics and offering a seating capacity of about 2,500.

Tickets can only be purchased at the door, which has left some fans worried that there might not be any available when they arrive. Not to worry, says Tara.

"I personally promise that all fans will get in," she assures us. "If I have to give up my backstage-pass seat in Johnny's locker room, I will do it!"

[cue stampede to the locker room in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... ]

But wait: There's more! Planning to join Johnny and Tara in Lake Placid will be the wonderful Patti Weir, who hopefully may also take part in the meet-n-greet!

Wow. As far as JWe fan heaven goes, it doesn't get much better than this!

More specifics about the meet-n-greet are coming soon, along with some fun photos of last year in Lake Placid (yes, you are correct: Lake Placid is the site of the infamous mini golf scene in BGJW! And we have some pics!).

In the meantime: Please mark your calendars, buy your T-shirts, and cancel that eBay auction of your husband's family's heirlooms. Let's show Johnny the love with a sellout crowd! At $10 or less per ticket, this is one Johnny show you really can afford--and one you can't afford to miss!

See you there!

There also may be a meet-n-greet in Sun Valley--
details coming soon!

Please vote for Johnny in the TUBEY AWARDS!
The Finals, Round 1, are now up, and Be Good Johnny Weir
is nominated for Best Candid Reality Show!
Hurry--new Final Categories will be added later today;
winners will be announced Aug 25.

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt to wear
in Sun Valley or Lake Placid

in honor of our Ride for Life project!

We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,

so now we're aiming for $10,000!

We're less than $2,000 away,

and we have until July 31 to get there!

Shirts are $20 each including shipping,

and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!

Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Because They Had to Be Macroed ...

Please vote for Johnny in the TUBEY AWARDS!
The Finals, Round 1, are now up, and Be Good Johnny Weir
is nominated for Best Candid Reality Show!
You can vote for him THIS WEEK ONLY!
New Final Categories will be added each Monday;
winners will be announced Aug 25.

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt

in honor of our Ride for Life project!

We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,

so now we're aiming for $10,000!

We're less than $2,000 away,

and we have until July 31 to get there!

Shirts are $20 each including shipping,

and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!

Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Call Your Local Cable or Satellite Provider Today!

Ah, at last: Johnny's home! And BTW I would really have appreciated some live television coverage of his return, like when Air Force One lands somewhere and there's red carpet and colorfully dressed local dignitaries and awkward presentations of bizarre gifts (note to self: e-mail Tara re: U.S. fan meeting. Oh, and send more e-mails to Anderson Cooper re: Johnny coverage--and to RuPaul too, just to cover all the bases). Because, as I noted irritatedly last week, I am spending a lot of time flopping on my couch and flipping disconsolately through all my channels and not finding nearly enough Johnny on TV.

And since Johnny's schedule fortunately will not be cluttered with ~~poorly judged thanks to stodgy officials who remain hopelessly out-of-touch and biased~~ competitive events in the coming months, that opens up all kinds of delicious possibilities for him to do other things that should be filmed and distributed internationally, or at least photographed and e-mailed to me immediately for forwarding to absolutely everyone I've ever met. Of course we have season 2 of BGJW to look forward to (sweet Weirsus, WHEN does that start? I'm DYING here), and we are still happily campaigning to get him on DWTS, so with any luck at all, we could be watching him at least twice a week on TV come September, when DWTS premieres!

Which, according to my need-more-Johnny calendar, is the 12th of Never from today.

So after careful consideration, it has become clear to me that this is the perfect opportunity to give fans what we really want--I mean besides an endless livestream of twitpics of him in a white Speedo taken in various positions and places around the world ("Look! He's riding a yak in Mongolia! In a white Speedo!" "Oh! He's meeting the Dalai Lama and Queen Elizabeth! In a white Speedo!" "Now he's walking down the street in Brighton Beach! In a white Speedo! With similarly clad large Russian men!" "Oooo, he's singing 'Dirty Love' in his new video! In a white Speedo!" "At last! President Obama is signing into law the ban on Speedo-wearing by heavyset Russian men who in no way resemble Johnny Weir! And lounging there in the Oval Office next to him is Johnny! In a white Speedo!" ... ).

La la la la la we're in our happy place la la la ...

All righty then. Hang on to your top hats and get ready to go to an even happier place ...

We're pleased to announce a new network making its debut in our channel lineup!

Yes, it's JWe-TV! All Johnny, all the time! Because when it comes to Johnny, forget "less is more." Less is just--less. And so unsatisfying. Whereas--like our logo says--too much is never enough.

Now let's take a whirlwind tour through the amazeballs programming--to quote Sports Director Michael Mazzella--that we offer on JWe-TV:

NEWS AND OPINION
JGW News: Everything Johnny, all day, all night, 24/7, 365, no matter how far from Weirlandia he roams, what time zone he’s in, or what planet he’s on. Fan favorites: Forecasts from Deborah the Weather Diva, and daily views of Planet Weir from the Hubble telescope.

Viva Viacheslav!: Broadcast directly from the United States of Amerifunk, Viva Viacheslav! features interviews with glitterati, international royalty, family Weir, and the occasional piece of shrubbery. Anything that will hold still long enough to be interviewed, really. Also featuring Viacheslav’s weekly roundtable discussion with lucky Johnny fans!

SPORTS
Naughty Pilates: Get your daily dose of being stretched into all sorts of … versatile … positions while keeping your body as buff and beautiful as possible. Later in the hour, learn first-aid techniques to untangle yourself because you were too busy watching to see Johnny’s hips pop and now your ankle is somewhere behind your ear ...

Boz on Sports: A very quiet time to sit, stir your cornflakes, and wordlessly contemplate sports other than skating. Unlike most obnoxious sports commentators, our darling Boz understands that sometimes silence truly is golden.

The Outdoor Channel / Weir Edition: Mongoose Hunt! -- The Rabid Beast of the Orange-Shored (*cough SLORED hack*) African Coast! Ride along as big-game hunter Johnny tracks this elusive beast of the Serengeti across burning deserts (SPF 150%), dense jungles (scoping out a new python handbag--fangs included—along the way), arid plains (WTF, Paris, why did you forget to bring water? You travel like you don’t know anything), and stark cliffside beaches (Look! Johnny in a white Speedo!) to create a one-of-a-kind sparkly onesie inspired by the chameleon-like mongoose!

SOAP OPERAS
One Life to Live: Our story so far: When his best is better than the rest, but woefully underscored, Johnny considers seeking a new life in a new town… but then his brother returns from another dimension via Twitter, Paris overcomes his crippling amnesia (how do you forget to take your shoes off, Paris? And OMG. Seriously, how many times do I have to explain to you how to cut cheese?), the Dingles drive themselves off a cliff thinking they are playing Mario Kart, and Tara, in a fit of I-really-need-to-go-to-the-ladies’-room despair, sells Johnny’s furs to support the mysterious and beautiful baby Anastasia, who may or may not be from Planet Weir and who may or may not have been brought here by Coach Galina-Is-Neo … In today’s episode, Johnny learns that you can, in fact, go home again, where Aunt Diane awaits him in her front-porch rocker to share the startling news that she really, really does not want him to plant his naked butt on her right now …

As His World Turns: Tokyo to Moscow, New York to Los Angeles, Delaware to Rio de Janeiro … follow Johnny on a jet-lagged romp through the time zones, complete with tiny travel robes, shopping jaunts, throngs—I said throngs, not thongs--of glittery fans, and a daily shower scene.

FASHION, BEAUTY, AND ENTERTAINMENT
Haus of Weir: Co-hosted by Fresh New Designer (F’nD) and Ninja Girl! Feathers, sparkles, and needles fly as these two diva bitches accompany Johnny on fashion journeys that take him where no man has gone before--and save a few lives along the
way … [cue dramatic music] Petunia never thought she would walk again. Her runway career was tragically curtailed by an errant stiletto vs. escalator incident involving three deaths, from which Petunia barely escaped with her Jimmy Choos intact. She was mangled from the toe down, her pedicure in shambles and her ankle totes swollen beyond the ability to wear a slingback. She had given up hope ... That is, until the Haus came to her rescue! Armed with ballet flats and a can-do attitude (bitch, you WILL wear these Loubs or as Weirsus is my witness, you will never get into another Heatherette show!), these two fly fashionistas and their benevolent Fashionistatress elevate "Retail Therapy" to whole new heights!

Haute or Not: Feeling less than fresh? Need a little pick-me-up? Have a crippling sense of inferiority? Then, girl, you better run the other way, cuz this is not the runway for you! In this spin-off of the wildly successful Haus of Weir, watch as our esteemed panel of Judgetresses takes to task some of the worst fashion disastahs you’ve ever seen. As an accomplished critic of all things beauty from his successful stint as pageant Judgetress on Miss USA, Johnny offers firm but gentle advice on what not to wear ever ever ever. Especially if your pants mark you like this, because that means they're a little ... snug. Guest Judgetresses include Christina Aguilera, Jonathan Groff, Karl Lagerfeld, and John Waters. So, you feeling haute?

Fresh Prince of Big Hair: Airing 24/7, this 90-minute non-stop infomercial for Eric Alt Salons and Alt Hair Care features tips and tricks for coloring your mullet, and an ongoing discussion of bangs or no bangs. He’s more than a Beauty Bear—he’s pure genius! Find out more in three easy payments!

Dancing with the Star: Just Johnny shuffling around his apartment in slippers jamming to Gaga, Pledging, and singing to himself. You’ll feel like a dirty peeping tom at first, but you get over it. You get over it.

POLITICS
Galina vs. Gaga: Two fierce (but fiercely loving) bitches go toe-to-toe on today's most controversial issues, and discuss the true path to becoming big strong man / big strong monster. Fan favorite: Special duet of "Poker Face," to which Johnny skates (of course. Don’t you know that? Are you stupid?)

Hello, Comrades!: Live from planet 12413 Johnnyweir, watch as cosmonauts Rudolf and Mikhail clean, decorate, and generally make fabulous this outer Shangri-la, all in anticipation of Johnny’s arrival.

DRAMA
Weir’s Anatomy: Does anything really need to be said here? No? Didn’t think so.

KIDS
Family F*$%ing Friendly: What’s more fun than a barrel of mongeese, a top hat full of Johnny, and a bowlful of low-calorie whipped cream? That’s right, kids! Family F*$%ing Friendly! The crew of FFF takes you on a magical ride though the deep, twisted, and oh-so-wacky world of competitive ice skating! Watch as our heroes Johnny, Paris, and Tara battle the naughty Mr. USFSA (UndeservingSonofabitchF*$%ingSloreAbominations) and teach him how to count, read, count some more, be a decent human being, grasp the ways of karma, get eye exams, try to master the alphabet, count, and count again. Poor Mr. USFSA (UniversallySuckyFlatulentSphincterAsshats) has such a problem with his numbers! They just never add up! And that means a major deduction on his GOE (GrossOfficialErrors) score!

The Adventures of Vanya and Bon Bon: (Animated) The daily escapades of two adorable, overweight, and fashion-conscious lap dogs. Voiced by Nathan Lane and Chris Colfer. Fan favorite: Bonus live-action footage of Patti Weir wondering why her son owns two dogs that live at her house where she gets to take care of them …

HOME AND GARDEN
Wanna Strawberry, Bitch?: In the garden and in the kitchen with Johnny! Yes, he loves his peonies. Absolutely loves them. Watch Johnny water his plants and carefully wipe the water spots off with Windex, then prepare food for Paris—really, would Paris just starve to death if it weren’t for Johnny?—including a scrumptious array of tempting chocolate-coated fruits arranged in the shape of a swan. Fan favorite: Johnny demonstrates endless variations on the theme, "How to Eat Cupcakes With Friends Without Using Your Hands."

RELIGIOUS

Holy Zamboni: A daily hour of repeated footage of Johnny’s signature layback slide on the ice, a move we’ve lovingly coined the Holy Zamboni. In … well … slow ... motion … so it ... can be ... savored … oh daddy …

The Way of Weirsus: Broadcast live from St. Sparkle’s Church of the Dazzlerene! Our simple message: Love love. Closing prayer: Please protect us from peer pressure, and help us to deal with all things fashionably. FanTAStic! Which is how we say, "Amen."

PLEASE KEEP VOTING HERE for Johnny to win

the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award!
(um, voting was supposed to end yesterday,
but the page is still there so whatev... )

Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt

in honor of our Ride for Life project!

We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,

so now we're aiming for $10,000!

We're less than $2,000 away,

and we have until July 31 to get there!

Shirts are $20 each including shipping,

and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!

Everything you need to know about ordering is here!

Very special thanks to Facebook fans
Nicole Davis and Jessica Lane for their invaluable help
in writing about 150% of this post ...