"I Want People to See I Am a Warrior"

Johnny at the Ice House on Monday. 

Another day in the long, lonely pursuit of perfection; 

another skirmish in the ongoing battle of wills 

between warrior and ice.

Photo tweeted by Sora Hwang, who also posted: 

"Saw some of Johnny’s footwork and spins on Monday. 

So beautiful. Saw his jumps today and they are so solid. 

He’s back and he means business. ♥"

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Vote for Johnnik. He Is Real Man.

Pssssssssst... hey you.

Yessss, you.

Vat you doink here?

Who, us? Vat arrre ve doink? Uh ... ve zhust, uh, you know, hangink out. Yesss, rrrright here. Vhere no one see us.

Ve're fine. It rrrreally comfortable here, ecktually. Although Johnnik's knees goink to give out any minute frrrom hunch down to Galina's height.

Oh, all rrright. Eef you must know, ve trrryink avoid Stars on Ice people. Their show suckink big time. They need Johnnik could help them. But he too much man for them. But not mirrracle vorker, vhich they rrrreally need. Their choreography so terrrrible! And he vould never vearink bondage gear vhile he sssskate. It so not ... vhat is term I lookink for? Oh da. "Family frrriendly."

Anyvay. Shhhhhh. No tell anyone you see usss. Nyet!

And vhy you lurkink here, anyvay?

Shouldn't you be make self useful and votink for Johnnik as "Most Addictive Reality Star" in NewNowNext Avards? Vatever that is.

Go on. Ve zhust goink to be hidink out here for a vhile. Go tveet #realityWEIR few hundrrred times. And check to sssee if Bozik tveeted yet.

Now go! Don't make me get Viktor chase you avay.

Do svidaniya!*

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Please remember to keep voting for Johnny

as "Most Addictive Reality Star" in the NewNowNext Awards!

Vote here or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.

Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time

to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

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*Goodbye! Or, until we meet (again).

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

See Johnny Write. Write, Johnny, Write. Tell All, All, All. Writing Is Fun!

So Johnny Weir tweeted recently that his long-awaited book

is on the horizon! Here's how we envision it:

(Alternate book titles still under consideration:

 IceGame: The True Story of Figure Skating's
Diva Bitch Whore from Hell
Unbound, Uncensored, and Unapologetic:
Johnny Weir Tells All

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Johnny Weir

But Were Really, Really Afraid to Ask

Johnny Weir: Man Enough to Be a Diva Bitch on Ice
Speechless: The Fabulous Untold Story of Johnny Weir)

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With a prologue by agentress Tara Modlin titled, "Managing Johnny. Or Trying to, at Least. He's Really Not Very Manageable. And He Makes Fun of My Feet."

Chapters we'd really like to see:

  1. Growing Up in Amish Country: Who Says God Doesn't Have a Sense of Humor?

  2. Childhood Photos (awwwwww...)

  3. The Rivalry Begins: “Which I Don't Even Know What That Is”

  4. Medals, Medals, and More Medals!

  5. Why I'll Always Love Priscilla (awwwww, Part 2)

  6. The Anatomy of Johnny Weir (Nude Photos, Part 1)

  7. That Was Really Clever for Evan (one-sentence chapter)

  8. ZebraSwan Forever

  9. It's a Plushy! (Yes, It Really Is, Although There's Nothing Further That Can Be Offered by Way of Explanation...)

10. The Birth of Viacheslav Romanov

11. Bad Romance: The USFSA and Me

12. Enter Galina: She Who Must Be Obeyed. And Also Who Brings Me Pomegranate Juice.

13. Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged--And I'm the Judge of You Now, You Silly Skating Officials Who Should Probably Slink Quietly Away and NOT Read This Chapter and Hope to God Nobody Else Does Either

14. Medals, Medals Everywhere--Except for Where They Should Be (see preceding chapter)

15. The First Time I Ever Said, "Ohhhhhhh Daddy..."

16. Nude Photos (Part 2)

17. For the Love of God, LOOK IT UP, Evan!

18. Around the House With Johnny: The Proper Way to Slice Cheese, Pledge Everything, and Shave Your Chest (includes Paris' favorite cupcake recipe!)

19. Poker Face: Addressing the Sexual-Orientation Question (this page intentionally left blank)

20. “So, You Slept Mostly on Your Left Side…?”: Questions and Answers with Mother Superior St. Patti o’ Weir, Who Also Really Deserves Some Kind of Medal Engraved With the Words “He Came from Your Vagina”

21. A Brief Explanation of the New Judging System (separate
9,672-page companion volume to the book that includes a nude centerfold of Johnny which is the only reason why anyone would bother to buy it)

22. Smuckers Smack-Down: Guest-Written Chapter in Which Fans Discuss Why Johnny Shouldn't Skate for SOI Even If Those Smuckers Got Down on Their Knees and ... er ... Begged Him (includes Yet More Nude Photos, Part 3, with strawberry jam strategically placed)

23. Bonus! Travel Tips from Aunt Diane! How to Feel at Home Anywhere: Simply Laugh Helplessly While Demonstrating the "One Pigeon, One Duck" Walk. Also: How to Get Your Nephew to Stop Torturing You With His Naked Butt in Your Hotel Room (Diane is open to suggestions for this section because she's tried EVERYTHING and he won't KNOCK IT OFF...)

24. Bonus! “Everybody Gonna Die!”: Final Thoughts from Viacheslav Romanov

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Special thanks to Johnny Weir Facebook fan Lizzy Pine

for the book-cover art! Fabulous, as always!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved