And the Winner Is....

So I TiVo'd the Miss USA pageant and was able to watch the whole thing in under ten minutes because of course all I cared about were the Johnny moments, of which there were really only three of note that I saw: His introduction as a judge, his question to Miss Colorado, and a brief moment caught on camera toward the end of the program.

Let's begin by announcing that Johnny was the immediate and obvious winner of the Miss USA Judge Who Is Clearly Not Afraid to Wear Anything and We Mean Anything for the Pure Unadulterated Glee of It All Especially Since Hello We're in Vegas and Half the Fun Lies in Freaking Out Middle America and the Other Half Is Just Simply All About the Feathers, as this outfit which literally made me gasp with the fierce and amusing fabulousness of it all so perfectly illustrates:

OK, in my opinion he looks stunning, as always,

whether you see this as inspired by a happily fierce ostrich

that is completely comfortable in its own feathers,

or as a sign of the apocalypse.

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Johnny's tweet late last night further reinforced my delighted understanding of his fashion choices for the evening. Of course pageants call for craziness. You people have seen Little Miss Perfect and Toddlers & Tiaras, right? Those parents completely have the crazy and they're not afraid to use it, healthy childhoods and future therapy costs be damned.

Johnny also wins for Most Real Camera Moment Among Miss USA Judges for this footage near the end of the pageant, right before a commercial break, in which he appears a little bored--or possibly rocking out to the music in his head which I'm guessing is Lady Gaga's "Boys Boys Boys"--and also definitely squirmy and fidgety, like the most super-glam five-year-old ever who may need to pee and is wondering "Mom/Tara, WHEN is this thing OVER? Cuz I'm getting a little cranky here and am not going to be able to behave much longer...":

Finally: I thought his question for the interview portion of the pageant was quite interesting:

"A new social networking site has become a place for young people to anonymously post gossip, nasty, and sometimes sexual comments about their peers. Should such sites be regulated by the government?"

An alert Twitterer later tweeted this, which sent me on a search regarding more information about formspring.me, with which I was somewhat familiar since I've read some of the questions and answers on the one that belongs to Aunt Joyce. But I had no idea that this exciting new frontier in social-networking tools was recently used to drive a 17-year-old girl to suicide. Given that Johnny is a vigorous proponent of free speech, but also that he had to shut down his MySpace some time back because of all the hideous stuff that idiot people felt compelled to post on it as they are even less human than the slime from which they crawled, I think he may have a very personal perspective on this issue. I'm not sure what answer he might give were the question asked of him, nor what answer he might have been looking for from Miss Colorado, although my daughter suggested this: "An articulate one."

At any rate, I thought the pageant was way too much about the contestants and not nearly enough about Johnny, but we'll take what we can get during the off-season while in the dark recesses of our minds looms ever larger, like a giant SyFy mushroom, the all-important question: Will he or won't he continue in competitive skating? And since we won't know the answer to that until likely June, we must content ourselves with whatever Johnny-media crumbs fall our way, even if they're from Donald Trump's table and contain excessive amounts of spackle-like hairspray. So all in all, I enjoyed every second that Johnny was on screen, I hope he had a truly wonderful time these last ten days in LA and Las Vegas because that boy has more than earned some major party time, and once again I am so thankful for the magic of TiVo, which allowed me to zoom past whoever all those women were and replay Johnny squirming over and over and over ...

And now: The moment we've all been waiting for! (Well, not really. The moment we're all waiting for is the one where the doorbell rings and it's Johnny standing on the front porch, feathers in place, Pledge in hand, and wicked grin spreading all the way to those elfin ears while time stands still ... But we'll make do with this, shall we?). Our Miss Weirlandia contestants are poised and ready for the final results!

In a four-way tie for third runner-up are: Miss Creant, Miss Adventure, Miss Anthrope, and Miss Informed!

Our second runner-up is ... Miss Take!

Our first runner-up is ... Miss Nomer!

And yes, that means our winner is ... (drum roll please): The one and only Miss Behavior! Who is nowhere to be found, but has apparently left a trail of ostrich feathers and bits of strawberry in her wake... and by the way, has anyone seen Johnny...?

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Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.

Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time

to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!
And vote here for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award!

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copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserve