Weirlandia Wiki

The Great Seal of the Kingdom of Weirlandia.

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Founded: July 2, 1984

Founding Peoples: Saint John and Queen Mother Patti Weir.

Ruler: His Kind, Benevolent, and Gorgeous Eminence, King Johnny Glitterati Weir. Sometimes known as Princess J.

Motto: OMG I DIE.

Lemon Pledge of Allegiance: I pledge allegiance to the man who is the King of Weirlandia, and to all the glitter on which he stands; one man, one Weirlandian nation; indivisible; with sparkly warklies, glitterbombs, and love to all.

Bordered by: Evanistan to the north and west; Lambieland
to the south; Union of Super Sexy Plushy (USSP) to the east. Tiny Joubertembourg is nestled in the corner where Lambieland and the USSP meet.

Capital city: Paris.

National symbols:

     Flower: Red rose.

     Accessory: Pink tassel.

     Animal: The unicorn.

     Bird: The phoenix, mythical creature celebrated for its ability to rise from the ashes and be born anew, again and again.

     Tree: Those ones that Dr. Seuss used to draw. They all look like that here.

     Insect: Ew. We don't have insects. They are just too gross. Hand me another wipe, would you, please?

     Gemstone: Swarovski crystal.

     Beverages: Starbucks and Bellinis. No, not mixed together. Don't you know that? Are you stupid?

National pastimes: Vacuuming and Pledging. Also Snarking, as appropriate.

National holidays: July 2, the King's birthday, is the holiday highlight of the year. The 183 days preceding it are spent planning special celebratory events for the day; the remaining 182 days afterward are dedicated to cleanup (don't ask) and preparing for next year's celebration. In addition, there is the Renaissance Festival of Slurs and Slores that crops up spontaneously, often as a response to events in Evanistan--though we try to ignore those as much as possible for the sake of our king, our sanity, and our skin tone.

Conservation efforts: A mongoose-free zone since 1984.

Religious history: Weirlandians are too tolerant, freedom-loving, genuinely kind and caring, and way too busy on Facebook to bother organizing any type of religion. Also we can't get any volunteers to bring in stale bagels and burnt coffee. However, there are several historical buildings in which citizens sometimes come together to hang out, encourage one another, and help anyone who needs it. These include St. Sparkle's Cathedral, Our Lady of Perpetual Yet Ambiguous Sexual Hotness, Church of the Dazzlerene, and Glory and Glitter Downtown Mission. These informal gatherings often conclude with the singing of the one and only traditional Weirlandian hymn: "We love you, Johnny; oh yes, we do! We love you, Johnny; and we'll be true! When you're not near us, we're blue! Oh Johnny, we love you!"

Most-quoted proverb: Out of ugly, make something beautiful.

Popular bumper stickers:
"Weirlandia: Proudly Bringing You the Best in Diva Bitch Whores on Ice Since 1984."

"Welcome to Weirlandia! Where Everyone Has a Sexual Orientation. Or Two."

"Weirlandia: We're So Not in Naperville Anymore."

"Weirlandia: Because Everyone Has Nipples!"

"Weirlandia! We Could Just Pee Ourselves With Glee!"

"My Other Car Is a Fur-Lined Zamboni"

"Honk If You Have a Butt-Heart from Tanning"

"Honk If You Slice Cheese Like You Don't Know Anything"

"Honk If You Knew It Was a Gargoyle, Not a Dog"

"Honk If You're NOT Sorry for All the Drug References"

"Honk If You've Been There, Sucked That"

"WWJGWD"

Natural resources: Frozen water, eco-friendly GlitterFuel, boundless love and grace among all inhabitants even when we disagree.

Major industries: Who has time for industry? That would really cut into our Facebook discussions and our *right click-save* ontd extravaganzas. Although we're really industrious about those.

Top imports: Guyliner, foot massagers, razor blades, and cupcakes.

Climate and topography: Weirlandia's landscape is reminiscent of a beautiful snowglobe, all gentle sparkles and glittery mountain ranges, complemented by dozens of icy lakes that are ideal for skating year round. Interestingly, the temperature remains a balmy 75 to 85 degrees Fahrenheit through every season, yet the lakes remain frozen. Some say this phenomenon is rooted in the Ancient Legend of the Frozen Cornfield, a story handed down from generation to generation about the day the King first realized the gift he had been given. In return for his willingness to sacrifice everything to hone the gift and share it with the world, the Powers That Be granted the Weirlandians' wish for perfect weather coupled with perfect ice every day for their King. Because coupling is a good thing.

National haiku:
     Johnny my fingers bleed
     For you I tweet all night long
     Please God beat Snookie

National anthem: "Weirlandia, He's Beautiful"

(sung to the tune of "America the Beautiful")

O beautiful, his long-lashed eyes,

In triumph and in pain,
With sparkly, defiant majesty,
He proves them wrong again!
Weirlandia! Weirlandia!
So mesmerized are we
We crown his brow with roses now
OMG we die, JWe!

Official Royal Portrait

of King Johnny Glitterati Weir

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Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.

Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time

to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!
And vote here for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award!

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Special thanks to Johnny Weir Facebook fans
Lizzy Pine for her fierce artwork,
Laura Steele for the Queen Mother's portrait,
Ashley Taylor for the motto,
Deborah Johnson for the Lemon Pledge of Allegiance,
Marla Showfer for finding the Unicorn macro,
Francine Pereyra for the hymn,
and Jessica Lane for the haiku!

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copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved