Oh. I See He Decided to Go With Multi-Part Option D ...

... that being:

(1) Obfuscate with a lot of hoo-ha about a fake Twitter account.

(2) Forget to delete the offending tweet from your VERIFIED Twitter account while trying to distract people by directing them to the fake Twitter account.

(3) Announce that "I post my tweets at http://www.twitter.com / EvanLysacek/ only." Yes. We know. That's where we saw the ugly tweet that you posted to begin with. Because, as you say, that's YOUR verified account, and only YOU post there.

(4) Realize that everybody already knows the tweets came from your verified Twitter account (see step 3) and that hundreds--maybe thousands--of people have already screen-capped every square inch of that verified account with the offending tweet posted on it (that YOU sent from YOUR iPhone), and have been busily plastering those screen caps all over the Internet.

(5) Accept that the fake-Twitter-account story isn't working. Frantically rack your brain to come up with something else.

(6) Lie. Because that's befitting an Olympic champion.

(7) Go with the standard default backup lie, which is to wave your arms in the air and shriek, "My Twitter account has been hacked!" Desperately hope that saying those words will somehow make them true and maybe people will believe you and not let the facts and yet more screen caps get in the way.

(8) Finally remember to go delete the Tweet of Death that started this whole career-consuming tornado. Plus every tweet you've tweeted for like the last four months. Because that makes the "I've been hacked!" lie more believable. Well, to you, maybe.

(9) Whine that this is ruining your vacation in the Hamptons. Which is certainly guaranteed to enhance the public's perception of you.

(10) Secretly wish you had gone with the "Sorry. I was drunk-tweeting on a Friday night" defense, deleted the tweet, and just let it go at that. Wonder WTF you're paying these PR people for anyway.

Another blogger has done an absolutely brilliant job of chronicling this whole debacle--timeline, screen caps, and all ("Olympic Gold Medalist Shows His True Colors," by Gender Test THIS). I highly recommend reading the entry and the comments. Bottom line: Evan. Hello. You're not fooling anyone but yourself. Want me to screen cap that for you?

Because Gender Test THIS has covered this hot mess so well, I am now free to explore the story using a different approach.

And so may I present for your enjoyment, inspired by Johnny's recent trip to Japan and the JW Art Project:

Orange Sunset: A Haiku in Three Acts.

a single tweet falls

dapper mongoose epic flail

orange is the new stupid

Man up which you don't

evan know what that is "hacked"

isn't it (this is)

so tweetly fragrant

mongoose stew in the crockpot

for Daddy and Ping

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NOTE: For safety's sake, I've removed some of the links
that were originally in this post. My computer got hit
with a virus, and I don't want to spread it to anyone else!
The links remaining have tested out to be safe.

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Hey! You can enter to win a virtual styling session
with Johnny and a $500 shopping spree
from BlueFly.com!
Just submit a photo of the most
outrageous item in your closet!
Johnny will be choosing the winner in 13 days!
More info here!

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Special thanks to fans Jessica Lane for her help
with the haiku, to Lauren Ashbaugh for help with screen caps,
and to Robin Fosdick for "orange is the new stupid."

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Coming soon: The series
of translated interviews from the Mook Book
courtesy of the fabulous Akiko Nakata!

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copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved