YES! I MET PATTI!!! (But Not Yet--First We Had to GET There ... )

(Oh, and one of Patti's sons was there.

You know, What's-His-Name--the darker-haired one.

He skates or something. Whatev.)

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So you know how you sort of get to know people, like maybe you meet them over the Internet, and you correspond a little, and over time you find yourself maybe kind of connecting with each other, and even discovering that you really, really admire some of these people, and then at some point you imagine maybe meeting them in real life, and it's all kind of magical in your daydream ...

... and then by some completely unanticipated miracle it ACTUALLY HAPPENS! ...

... but on your way there you're sort of afraid that somehow it just won't quite measure up to what you had imagined, and then you get there and there's that little shift in your head as things fall just slightly short ... ?

You know?

Well.

This was totally NOT that!

THIS. WAS. FABULOUS!

This was like every fun thing I've ever done in my whole life all crammed into 36 hours of maximum bliss with purr-crazy Kittens everywhere and a big amazing dollop of Patti on top.

Oh, and it was also total Johnny heaven (you remember him. Boz's brother? He's been on TV, I think ... ).

But let's start at the beginning, shall we?

(Well, we'll skip the absolute beginning: The part where it occurs to me one day that good Lord, as of July 31, the day that Johnny happens to be in Lake Placid which is really just a scant 2,050-mile round trip from here--if one happens to be idly calculating driving distances on Google Maps when one is supposed to be balancing the checkbook which just has REAMS of paper close to it and is in fact so buried in said paper that it's really easy to just overlook it entirely and go with your gut instinct, which is that you probably will have SOME money in the bank on July 30 that should just about cover a four-day road trip if everyone pledges to give up food for Lent which this year we'll be observing from July 29 to August 2--it will have been 10,540,800 seconds since I last saw him at Ice Dreams, which is about 10,540,799 seconds too long for me).

So: Let's start with random observations from the road:

Illinois: The exciting part of driving across Illibore is when you see Chicago. Which, when you're on I-80, is too far north to be visible to you. Especially when you're surrounded by trucks all failing miserably to pass each other but succeeding handily at hemming everyone else in at a sustained speed of 25 mph. (Just 865 more miles to Lake Placid!)

Indiana (motto: "Hey, doesn't this seem a lot like Missouri?"): Is apparently experiencing a severe shortage of toilet paper. Which is doubly exciting since nearly every rest area has a Starbucks. So you find yourself in a gut-twisting Catch-22: Indiana is even more boring than Illinois, so you need multiple ventis to stay awake, but of course the more ventis you drink, the more you have to stop and use the restroom, where there is no toilet paper, which makes you really aggravated, which tires you out, so you buy another venti, and then you're off again ... (Just 705 more miles to Lake Placid!)

Ohio: Is really, really wide.

Pennsylvania: We were only in Pennsylvania for about 50 very beautiful miles on perfect roads accompanied by yet more Starbucks ... (Just 435 more miles to Lake Placid!)

New York (upstate motto: "We love banjo music!" downstate motto: "WTF is a banjo?"): My knowledge of New York is fully informed by 20 years' worth of Law and Order episodes. And now even more so, because now I totally get the sneers and the raised eyebrows and the heavy sighs whenever one of the NYC cops or lawyers mentions "upstate." Whoa. In Watertown we turned onto NY-3 East to take us the rest of the way to Lake Placid. During that final two-hour stretch, with my cell gasping to pick up a faint signal and thus receive 50+ texts at a time from various Kittens hoping to greet Johnny in the lobby of his hotel with a huge bouquet of flowers and wondering exactly when he'd be there, and my daughter trying to respond to those texts since I was, you know, driving, only to lose the signal every other word, my kids and I noticed that there was kind of a ... Deliverance vibe to the surrounding countryside. Which is not exactly what we pictured when we first shrieked giddily to each other, "Let's drive to New York!" And as the sun got lower and the road a little darker and the sporadic housing even more tarpaper-held-together-with-rust, my daughter started saying, "Mom? How much farther? MOM?" with just a hint of panic.

And then two things happened:

(1) The Kittens scurried up to the hotel--literally, up a hugely steep hill to the hotel--flowers in hand, just in time to greet Johnny and Patti when they arrived. And all reported that it was absolutely wonderful. Johnny chatted like they were all old friends, announcing to the world that he'd spent hours in high heels the day before during his photo shoot in Brighton Beach and was still recovering (much to the startled glances of other non-Kitten visitors in the lobby). He loved the flowers and the fans, and the fans loved him back. Love love. It was fab.

I missed it, of course. After all the texts and phone calls communicating the arrangements and reporting his progress ("He's 10 minutes away! Go now!"), I was still swerving around curves on NY-3 East trying to outrun a pack of banjo-toting albino kids while the flowers were being delivered ... But I was truly, genuinely thrilled to hear from fellow fans that it was such a special experience. He, Patti, and Tara are even more kind, patient, warm, and lovely in person than they appear on TV. As if that were possible.

(2) And then finally: We arrived in Lake Placid. And it was even more gorgeous than I had imagined, as you can see by the view from our hotel:

And it only got better after that ... :)

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Coming up!
Life in Lake Placid: The show. The meet-n-greet.
The interesting Lake Placid perspectives
on security and customer service.
All that and more! Don't miss it!

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Hey! You can enter to win a virtual styling session
with Johnny and a $500 shopping spree
from BlueFly.com!
Just submit a photo of the most
outrageous item in your closet!
Johnny will be choosing the winner in 17 days!
More info here!

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Coming soon: The series
of translated interviews from the Mook Book
courtesy of the fabulous Akiko Nakata!

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copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved