Pimp That Petition Out, Baby!

Only Johnny Weir, and those closest to him, knows for sure why he chose to withdraw from the World Championships. But some have speculated that when you skate your personal lifetime best and deliver two programs that are absolutely transcendant on every level, only to be shuffled off to sixth place behind skaters who actually FELL DOWN--why do it all again at Worlds for people from the same pool of judges? Perhaps he's had enough of beating his head against that particularly frigid wall of officialdom.

There's also a wonderfully delicious rumor that, now that he's not training for Worlds, he may soon be putting together a new exhibition skate to a medley of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" and "Teeth." And I would pay big, BIG money to see that. Are you listening, Stars on Ice?

Which brings me to the most important news for fans as we wake up this morning to a Worlds without Johnny: What can we do to continue to show our support and love for him in light of his decision?

Here's what:

Sign this petition to get Stars on Ice to include Johnny on this year's tour.

And by "sign" I mean "now." RIGHT NOW.

We need THOUSANDS of signatures by Monday morning, March 15!

We've got 1,606 as of this writing.

But Johnny has 31,411 fans on Facebook and 46,379 Twitter followers right this second. Granted, there's some overlap between those two groups, but COME ON, PEOPLE--we have not yet begun to sign!

Here's why (sparkly tidbit of news!): Lots of Johnny petitions have made the rounds lately (We want him in the Olympic Gala! We want him on "Dancing With the Has-Beens"! We want him to come for dinner and show us how to slice cheese!), and many fans have hesitated to sign, wondering, "Does Johnny really want to [skate here][dance there][stay overnight with me]?"

The answer regarding this particular petition, from a very trusted source, is YES. Johnny wants this. Johnny would love to skate, and skate, and skate some more for all his fans around the U.S (he already gets to skate a lot in other countries). This is also how skaters make money in the off-season to support their skating habit (and their fans' addiction) during the competitive season.

Up till now, Johnny has been snubbed by Stars on Ice. But the word floating around down in the secret tunnels of the Internet, also from trusted sources, is that YES, in fact, Stars on Ice wants Johnny, too. (So good on them, and all is forgiven.)

Except that, whispers suggest, they're being held hostage by one big corporate sponsor of the tour who does not want him. Because apparently he's not "family-friendly." Whatever the hell that means. (Oops, I'm not so family-friendly, either. Although in my family, swear words are a sign of affection. So WTF do I know?)

This despite the fact that, as the petition so eloquently states:

Johnny Weir is a popular skater
with families and fans of all ages.
He represents strong family values,
including respect for individuality

and supporting the self-esteem of all children.

Of course we all know "popular" doesn't even begin to cover it when Johnny adds Facebook fans faster than I can type the word "fans."

And strong family values? You betcha. I truly don't know a more positive role model for parents and children alike than this man, who has shown us over and over, with incredible grace, humor, and dignity, what it is to fearlessly be who he is--who God created him to be.

And, who credits his parents with instilling in him both that strong sense of self, and accountability for that self, with their endless love and support. And the occasional kick in the ass.

What stronger family values do you want, dear shadowy, soulless, corporate sponsor, than this poignant quote from Johnny:

I would have really, really liked to have had
a medal at the Olympics. ...
I wish me being perfect was good enough

to get that medal ... To give that medal to my dad,

to hang it around my mom’s neck when I was done,

that would have been the moment

I would have looked forward to

with winning the medal.

That sounds like damn fine family values to me.

So, Johnny Weir addicts, while we're waiting for our next fix, let's make this happen for Johnny! We CAN make a difference! We CAN call out this [clustersmuck of a] sponsor, make them squirm uncomfortably in the klieg lights of the Internet, and "help" them (hand me that long, pointy screwdriver, will you, dear?) try to dimly grasp why Johnny Weir is the best thing to happen to figure skating in a long, long time.

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Dear Faceless Corporation:

Johnny Weir is the one skater

that we really want to shell out money for

so we can sit in some cold, drafty ice arena

and watch Johnny do what only he does.

And we on Facebook and Twitter alone

are more than 77,000 strong.

At just a minimum $24.50 ticket apiece,

that's $1.9 MILLION.

Love and kisses, Johnny's Fans 

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So sign! Post! E-mail! Tweet! Rinse and repeat!

Send this link to everyone you know. Collar people at the free computer kiosks at the library. Text it to everyone in your phone with the subject line, "Let's hook up!" Whatever it takes.

Power to the people. Let's make something sparkly special happen for Johnny Weir.

Pimp that petition out, baby!

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Special thanks to http://johnnyweir.ning.com for all the fab photos!

copyright 2010 Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved