Today's Sermon: The Invention of Hypocrisy

"So, Mom, why don't they just CALL it 'Conservative Evangelical Christians on Ice' instead of 'Stars on Ice'?"

"Because Evan Lysacek is Greek Orthodox, so that would be inaccurate, dear."

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And Smucker's Stars on Ice is nothing if not a stickler for truth. Smucker's founders were Mennonites, after all, and those values still permeate the company. And Stars on Ice producer Scott Hamilton is a member of the ultra-fundamentalist Church of Christ. So clearly, it's all about truth at SOI.

 That's why they came out with this proud statement:

Yes, it's true. We have never invited Johnny Weir to join our tour because we do indeed think that he is not "family-friendly." And of course by that we mean "gay"--although Mr. Weir has never made a statement regarding his sexual orientation, so it's really just that he makes us uncomfortable. Especially because we find him extremely hot, particularly here. Also here. And you people don't have to like it, but by golly, it's our tour and our money and our values. And since honesty is high on our list of values, we are happy to confirm that honestly, we are indeed bigots, because there is no other explanation for why an amazingly talented champion like Mr. Weir, who has the largest fan base of any figure skater in the world, is not on our roster. After all, with a name like Smucker's, we have to be bigots.*

No, of course they didn't say that. Of course they HAD to deny the story with breathy gasps of righteous indignation and small, fluttery hand movements that weren't at all gay because really, even in America, we're not ready for that kind of truthfulness--the kind that, say, Johnny Weir completely embodies by living authentically, or the kind exhibited in the movie, The Invention of Lying, where everybody says the truth, to everyone, every day. Try that sometime, and see how well your next romantic evening goes ("Wow, I really find your cologne too heavy for my taste." "Yes, I was just thinking the same thing about your hips.")

So, no, I made that up.

Stars on Ice's actual response to the petition late Friday was this lovely bit of obfuscation:

We are disappointed that there is untrue and inaccurate information being disseminated. Please be assured that the “gender identity and sexual orientation” of cast members has never been a consideration in the selection of tour performers. ... While Stars on Ice wishes it could accommodate many more talented skaters as part of our cast, the fact is we cannot sign every skater.

Oh, I see. The roster is just SO CRAMMED FULL that they can't possibly make room for one more skater. Even though he's rather slim and can actually almost fit inside a small cabinet.

Then I was reminded by an alert Johnny's Angel that Evan will be missing quite a bit of the SOI tour because of his Dancing-With-the-Has-Beens obligation. So that would open up some tour dates for a few guest appearances by Johnny, right? Which makes SOI's no-room-at-the-inn statement seem a tiny bit disingenuous.

And then I read an announcement that Stars on Ice (and you know, every time I type that, I keep mistyping it as "Satrs," which my spellchecker interprets as "Satyrs," which, according to Greek mythology, were male companions of Pan and Dionysus and were associated with sex drive and often portrayed with perpetual erections, so really, how family-friendly is that?) had signed Joannie Rochette to the tour.

Joannie is the official spokesperson for WorldVision Canada, an Evangelical Christian organization.

Hence my daughter's question above.

Please know that I have nothing against Joannie, think she's fabulous and courageous, sent her condolences over the truly tragic loss of her mother, and agree with Johnny that hers was the iconic performance of the 2010 Olympics.

But, in the words of a new Johnny's Angel, "I'm learning so much from all this. Like that unbridled hypocrisy kinda scares me. " 

So PLEASE, Smucker's Stars on Ice.

The only people you're fooling here are yourselves.

And that's the truth.

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To show your support for Johnny Weir and his family,

please sign this petition! Let's call out the sponsor of the

Stars on Ice tour who won't invite Johnny

because he's not "family friendly"(?)

More info here, here, here, here, here, here,

and pretty much everywhere!

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*Brilliant new Smucker's slogan (c) Leslie Jones Falls from Facebook.
Special thanks to http://johnnyweir.ning.com/ for the fabulous photos!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved