Twimps R Us

Are you following Ice Theatre of New York

on Twitter yet? Also, do you think

this makes me look like a pimp?

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Some weeks ago, we proved that, as fans go, we are really kind of amazing. Individually, we might run that interesting gamut from agoraphobics to cat collectors to ninjas in trees to former extremely bored church potluck-committee members to those who run naked with scissors, but in the collective, we are POWERFUL.

We are fans who will stop at NOTHING to accomplish a goal for our beloved Johnny Weir. We are the kind of people who can garner 10,000 signatures on an Internet petition in just two weeks of dedicated pimping. And we also are fans who are currently wandering around aimlessly like kindergarteners who need SOMETHING TO DO because WE'RE BORED, MOM, and if somebody doesn't get out the foam hearts and the glitter glue and the safety scissors pretty damn quick, we will get ourselves into trouble again in some way that likely will end in tears and that time-honored shriek, "I'm TELLING!"

I'm happy to say that there are several really cool fan projects potentially in the works whose details just need some ironing out, like my shirts used to until I simply stopped buying those kinds of shirts because HELLO. Ironing? Really? My great-grandmother was a wonderfully sweet Presbyterian lady who ironed everyone's underwear, and I am her legacy: Overalls and crinkled T-shirts (because they're SUPPOSED to look like that) for me; sweats for my son; and of course anything she wants for my daughter because SHE DOES HER OWN LAUNDRY.

So while we're waiting for multiple green lights on really cool stuff that we can do to support Johnny, I think it's time we all put our pimp hats and our happy pants and our purple blazers back on, polish up our urban lingo ("Yo, I'm happy for you, Evan, and I'ma let you finish, but Johnny had the best free skate of all time!")  and pimp out some stuff. Especially because Johnny has asked us to.

(1) From Johnny's Twitter: "Go to this link, register, and vote for the Christian Bale Remix under Video Remixes & Mashups for LUCIAN! http://www.youtube.com/webby." As you know, Lucian Piane, aka RevoLucian, is RuPaul's producer, and he has put together a song for Johnny to record called "Dirty Love." You may have heard a little something about this, in the way that you may have heard that the earth is not flat. So let's show our support for Johnny and Lucian by voting in the Webbys and pimping the link out everywhere we can!

(2) Also from Johnny's Twitter: "Saw myself in the same commercial as Snookie. Lovely. Vote for me for most addictive reality star @ http://bit.ly/94tkSm." First of all, may I say how interesting it must be to see yourself in a commercial, and how quickly that impression must go from "interesting" to "OMGWTFBBQ" when Snookie shows up. Secondly: Johnny, honey, OF COURSE! We've been voting for you since you were announced as a nominee two weeks ago! Some fans have issued themselves a challenge to vote 100 times a day for Johnny, which I applaud while wondering if we ever seem, you know, kind of strange to other people...

What a silly thought. Anyway, you can vote as many times as you want on the NewNowNext site. Johnny is the last nominee listed in the fifth category, "Most Addictive Reality Star," so be sure to SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN to find him. Or you can vote on Twitter just by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR. Voting continues through June 4, which gives us plenty of time to get Johnny at least a zillion votes.

And why do we want this for him, besides the ache in our hearts that no matter what, we know we can't make up for the Olympic judging but still we want to try? Because the more awards Johnny wins, the more opportunities--especially, we hope, skating opportunities--may come his way.

BREAKING NEWS ALERT: A Twitter search today revealed that we are facing stiff competition from #realityANDREW, #realityJUJUBEE, and #realityKHLOE, so we really need to step it up! Vote / tweet / rinse / repeat! And please also pimp this one out to everyone you know.

(3) Again from Johnny's Twitter: "Disco cleaning to @sergeylazarev [I LOVE that! Can't you just picture Johnny going all John Travolta on his Swiffer?]. The rest of the week is crazy! Sir Elton, Wendy Williams on Wednesday, ITNY Thursday, Kentucky Friday."

So from this tweet, we learn that we need to:

♥ Drive each other crazy with speculation on what the "Sir Elton" part is all about. This is an important pastime whose happy cluelessness cannot be overemphasized.

UPDATE: New tweet from Johnny today: "Skating. So excited for BCRF gala tonight and seeing Sir Elton perform." Ah. OK. So he's going to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation Hot Pink Party tonight at the Waldorf Astoria in NYC. Cocktails at 7 p.m., dinnner at 7:45 p.m., and a special performance by Sir Elton at 9 p.m. So now we can speculate on whether he and Sir Elton will get to hang out afterward! And also applaud Johnny for supporting this worthy cause.

♥ Watch him on Wendy Williams on Wednesday (and now I have to watch just for the sake of alliteration). Check your local listings, and be sure to set your DVR if you're not going to be home.

♥ Try not to feel hopelessly envious of all those lucky souls who are going to see him skate at Ice Theatre of New York's season premier on Thursday. May I extend my very best wishes for a spectacularly sparkly time to all those attending! The Ice Theatre gets rave reviews, and the show should be simply amazing. For all you wallflowers like me who are missing this event, please join me on Johnny's Facebook page to chat wistfully and beg the attendees to hurry up and post their photos and videos already. And we can also show our support on Twitter for the Ice Theatre. It's been feeling a little lonely and unfollowed, so let's all 38,000 of us run right over there and click "Stalk" now!

♥ Scour the Internet on Friday and Saturday for photo-heavy press coverage of Johnny attending the Kentucky Derby, because I really, really have to see, from every conceivable angle, what he chooses to wear. And I am so hoping that there's some kind of awesomely large hat involved.

Finally:

Tips for the Twitter-challenged:
Twitter can seem awkward at first because you only see the tweets of people you follow. So if you follow Johnny, you see his tweets; but if he doesn't follow you (and no, he can't follow all 55,961 people who follow him because that's just a recipe for complete mental breakdown), he can't see your tweets to him. But he CAN see them if he does a search on twitter for "@JohnnyGWeir". (Note: if you click this link, give it a minute. You might get a screen first that says, "No results." Because by "real-time search results," Twitter means "kind of." But wait for it--it'll refresh and then you'll see them.) Then every tweet that is sent to him will show up, and he can browse through them and reply to any that he wants to. To use Twitter most effectively, you need to do the same thing. Run searches several times a day looking for your own Twitter name to make sure that you can see all the people who are tweeting back to you. You never know: One of them might be Johnny... :). 

OK! Thank God for Twitter, the must-have tool for today's professional pimps, which I believe makes us "Twimps." Although in the hands of restless kindergarteners, your results may vary. But at least we have these fun activities to keep us busy and the glitter glue out of Tara's hair while we wait for new projects. (Remember, Johnny's birthday is coming up July 2, and it's never too early to start planning something fanTAStic for him...).

Oh, and @BozWeir88: Two of the lemmings died of starvation waiting for you to feed us tweets. Please. Say something. ANYTHING. #realityWEIR

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Special thanks to Johnny Weir Facebook fan

Gabriela Cabrales for her truly incredible collection

of skating macros on Facebook. OMG! If you haven't seen them,

you must go there RIGHT NOW and laugh yourself sick.

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copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved