Close to the Vest: Part 2

The Conclusion of
       an Untold Skate-for-Hope Story--
             Well, Untold Until Now, Anyway

Starring denizens of the Haus of Weir: Fairy Godmother, Ninja Girl, and Fresh New Designer (Notorious F'nD). Featuring cameo appearances by Glitter Yak and Glen Coco.

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We interrupt our story to bring you this brief word from our sponsor:

I just have to say how much I loved the fabulous tweet-a-thon with Johnny via Bluefly.com yesterday, during which he responded to more than 100 of our tweeted questions and kept answering us for 20 minutes longer than he was supposed to. Because he's wonderful to his fans like that.

One of our cats broke my alarm clock a few weeks ago and you know I don't really go to bed until about 6 a.m. and then I get up around noon CDT (which would be about the time this thing was supposed to end), so I wasn't sure I'd even make it, but an alert Facebook fan who I met at Ice Dreams was kind enough to give me a wake-up call on my cell so I wouldn't miss it. :)

So I watched the whole thing and got the failwhale like three or four times ("Twitter is over capacity! Please try again later! Or just shoot yourself now because you are missing out on words that are coming to your computer directly from Johnny Weir and by the time these stupid little birds dump my giant fat ass back in the water it'll be too late!"), but mostly I kept up really well.

I loved reading all the questions and answers. My favorite one was this:

@JohnnyGWeir @bluefly_com What will your last words be? (Sorry if that's creepy!) #bfclosets

@hanssen_ @bluefly_com #bfclosets I love you. I hope

What a beautiful thought.

But I was too shy to ask him anything of my own. I spent much of the time with my fingers poised over my keyboard, having a failwhale of my own as I tried but could. not. type. anything. Like that thing where all your words get stuck in the back of your very dry throat along with all the leftover r's you mispronounced in high school French class--only in the tips of your fingers.

So I am an idiot. But a happy one, because it was really fun to watch the tweets flying back and forth and to picture him taking time out of his day, fresh off the ice in his leggings and orange tank and skates, to interact with his fans.

And wouldn't we all love love it if he would do this like, oh, say, once a day week OK month? :)

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

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When last we saw Ninja Girl and F'nD, they had a nearly finished one-of-a-kind fashion creation to bring to Skate for Hope and give to Johnny. We rejoin our story already in progress, in which Ninja Girl is now in Columbus, Ohio.

Waking up that Saturday morning wasn’t difficult. To wake up, first one must have slept. This did not happen as Ninja Girl’s super-chic hotel room was apparently possessed by Satan, and the moment her eyes would finally decide to shut, Beelzebub would start banging on the very hipster exposed ductwork with a lead pipe while whistling Dixie. Awake and upright are two different things.

As rough as her night was, F’nD’s day would have made a saint weep. He arrived at the hotel on the day of Skate for Hope around 1:30 p.m., slim, impossibly lovely, and only slightly rumpled from his flights that day. Also he was almost nearly done with the vest.

Almost.

Due to school and the fact that he actually had his priorities somewhat straight re: passing his FIT finals (by way of contrast, Ninja Girl had cancelled a business trip and gleefully tapped into her savings to have what could easily be described as one of the Top Ten Best Days of her life—so no regrets, baby!), there were only a few finishing touches to go before they could give Johnny his vest.

The lovely fans of Facebook had planned a pre-show dinner to get to know one another, hold each other, laugh, cry, and rub glitter on all the bits that are hard to reach on your own. So Ninja Girl’s ever-patient roommate, Glen Coco, went on ahead to alert others that they would be along soon. As F’nD’s needle flew through its paces and Ninja Girl rolled on the bed watching SpongeBob, the time started ticking away. But they had it, right? Right!

Wrong! They arrived at dinner just in time to shovel down a few bites of salad like pigs, down half a margarita (bonus points for contributing to the delinquency of F'nD!), and wave frantically at everyone before dashing back out the door to run screaming to their room to fetch the vest, and to primp. The screaming was from Ninja Girl. Earlier she had thought to herself, “Heels are so pretty! I must wear them to meet everyone!” not realizing the cobblestones, hills, and heat would turn her feet into something resembling sliced roast beef. If beauty is pain, she should now look like Megan Fox.

Finally primped and prepped, they eventually found their tickets and limped into the arena.

Unbeknownst to them, security had a policy of taking larger gifts from attendees to give to the skaters during intermission. If looks could kill, there would be one less security guard working in Ohio. F’nD and Ninja Girl were both somewhat crushed.

As they surrendered their gift, they could hear the opening music playing, but naively hoped that maybe, just maybe, they hadn’t missed those first few moments of Johnny Weir skating into their lives.

They had.

Though Ninja Girl did almost make her own on-ice debut when, in stumbling though the dark to her seat, she missed the last step and nearly faceplanted the rink.

But their moods were lifted considerably as skater after skater came out to perform. The children were beyond precious, and Ninja Girl was very impressed with everyone who had the guts to get out there and show their support for such a wonderful cause.

And then there he was.

Johnny’s performance of Heartbroken seemed different from his previous skate at Chelsea Piers. The program was less skated than attacked and bludgeoned to death with a giant hammer. It was so powerful and so beautiful. Ice was flying off his skates, and after he finally, furiously stomped his last step and gently collapsed to the ice, it looked like a bomb had gone off. It was as if perhaps all of his frustration and anger and grief at the fresh loss of his grandfather poured out of him and turned the rink upside down.

Ninja Girl didn't cry. She didn't breathe either.

Intermission consisted of Ninja Girl and F’nD texting each other from across the rink, since their seats were not together, still in sad disbelief that they were missing the golden moment of Johnny opening his gift, but thrilled and nervous that it was finally in his hands.

Finally skating resumed with more adorable children and an incredibly moving performance dedicated to the spirits of four of the performers’ mothers.

Then Johnny returned for Bad Romance.

Seemingly in a better mood, he plopped down on the ice and faced, she swears to sweet Weirsus, directly toward Ninja Girl. (Yes, everyone in VIP seating will say the same, but let’s let her have her moment.) And he did the cutest little “grrr” fingers. He was flawless, of course. His speed, grace, and skill were tempered with a little humor--not the usual super-feisty man fans know, but so much more than Ninja Girl or anyone might expect from someone in his circumstances.

He finished his skate and did something Ninja Girl had not seen him do before, and which broke her heart: He took his bows, on all sides--on his knees. Maybe he has done this at other times, but it was as if he just couldn't bring himself to get up.

He truly gave all that he had and then some; it was, without a doubt, appreciated.

After the show, he started his last lap to greet the fans, and the VIP group was (sort of) informed on what to do. F’nD eventually located Ninja Girl, and they wandered aimlessly around the arena until a security guard took pity on them and pointed to where they should go, which was roughly three feet away from where they were currently standing. After a very long waiting period which consisted mainly of waiting and then being told that there would be a bit of a wait, after which there was more waiting and not a chair in sight, which was unfortunate because next there was a lengthy wait: They waited. Approximately three years later, groups were separated out and sent back ten at a time to the meet-n-greet.

Ninja Girl can proudly say that the first words she ever said to Johnny were, "You're beautiful."

And he is. Of course he said he looked a mess with pink still all over him, but she just shook her head and told him he was amazing.

Then he saw F’nD.

Someone turned up his wattage because Johnny’s face lit up a little closer to the man we know, and before a word could come out of F’nD’s mouth, Johnny stared him straight in the eye and thanked him for the beautiful vest. And told F’nD that he wanted to wear it to an upcoming premiere that he would be attending! And then F’nD and Johnny started jabbering about stitching, sewing, needles, lots of stuff about which Ninja Girl had no clue, and it was wonderful. Then they segued into spending an inordinate amount of time gossiping about The Simple Life, filmed in the town from which Ninja Girl hails and thus a subject about which she had many clues, and also about how amazing Eric Alt is. Then pictures were taken and there were very enthusiastic JWe hugs.

And then it was over.

Overall, it was mission success. F’nD gave his work to one of the most incredible, beautiful creatures on earth who will, hopefully, one day wear F’nD’s work in front of the cameras. And maybe this small token was enough to put a little light back into the heart of a man who gives his fans everything he has, even at one of the most difficult times of his life. He always puts his fans first, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

And though they didn’t get to see him open the gift, in the end, all that matters is F’nD’s gesture to Johnny in appreciation of Johnny’s inspiring artistry, and Ninja Girl and Fairy Godmother’s support of two wonderfully talented young men.

Dear Johnny. From Ninja Girl, F’nD, Fairy Godmother, Glitter Yak, Glen Coco, and all the rest: We love you, we appreciate you, and we will always support you--no matter what.

So this made me realize what a market

there would be among us for a Johnny paper doll!

He would come with all his favorite fashions

that we could put on him with those little fold-down paper tabs,

and then of course take them off again ...

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Facebook fans Wendy Stevens and Li Mann
have graciously compiled all or nearly all of the tweets
from Johnny's Bluefly gig and put them in the Discussions tab
on Johnny's Facebook page!
And you can still watch the video of his closet
on Bluefly.com's "Closet Confessions" if you haven't yet!

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Coming soon: More Twitter madness!
Olympic Tweeters, we need you
as we launch our comprehensive campaign
to tweet Johnny onto DWTS!

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PLEASE KEEP VOTING for Johnny as Skater of the Year

in USFSA's 2010 Readers' Choice poll

(voting ends July 15)!

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Please also vote here to tell Pepsi

that you want them to donate $250,000 to Just Push 'nPlay!

Johnny is on the board of the 'nPlay Foundation,

and this funding would help to provide physical activity

programs to nearly 20,000 kids.

Let's help make this project the top vote-getter!

(voting ends today!)

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Special thanks to Ninja Girl for her invaluable help

in writing most of this post!

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copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved