Thursday, May 27, 2010

"Addictive" Doesn't Even Begin to Cover It ...

Hey there sugar baby
Saw you twice at the pop show
You taste just like glitter
Mixed with rock and roll
I like you a lot lot
Think you're really hot hot ...

(Boys Boys Boys by Lady Gaga)


So I'm sitting here purring and just feeling so empowered by this whole voting thing. A few simple taps on my keyboard, and my preference for Johnny Weir as NewNowNext's "Most Addictive Reality Star" is shot out into cyberspace, an uber-rocket of opinion, where it is tweeted and retweeted over and over and over--tweet-tweet-tweet-TWEET--like some insane chorus clearly made up of ominous and beady-eyed extras from Hitchcock's The Birds, only now they're all on crack and usually start up outside my window just as I'm trying to sleep for a few hours.

I'm also feeling uber-nerdy, because intensively studying how we're doing in voting #realityWEIR on Twitter has really brought out my inner statistics geek (isn't that sort of redundant, BTW, "statistics" and "geek"? And I am fully qualified to say that because I actually worked in the statistics department at the University of Wyoming as an undergraduate, so I know whereof I geek).

I've surrounded myself with columns of numbers and tables with sub-tables and colored pie charts and graphs showing trend lines, and all I can say is: These would look a lot cooler with glitter glue on them. And maybe some soft pink feathers. Also they need pictures of Johnny.

Actually, everything needs a picture of Johnny. Which explains my desktop background / screensaver / mousepad / calendar / coffee mug / Facebook page / giant poster above my desk / potholders / dining room chair cushions / couch throw / mural painted on our fence ... It is amazing what technology now allows us to do with photos. The whole world is my canvas, upon which I have happily placed the same picture over and over and over, like one of those optical mind-benders where some overall-clad woman is holding a photo of Johnny and herself, in which she's holding a photo of Johnny and herself, in which she's holding a photo of Johnny and herself ...

Anyway: I can say one other thing about my towering stacks of papers--each covering a different statistical breakdown of our voting trends--that threaten to qualify me for an upcoming episode of #indulgeHOARDERS:

OMGaga WE ROCK!!

Here are our latest totals:


Now [adjusts reading glasses]: Let's analyze this further! By
which I mean, "prepare to be completely numbed by confusing percentages!" Because otherwise this would just be math instead of statistics, which is math on steroids whose lameness factor has been increased by a percentage of 10 to the 10th simply by the fact that it is so completely unpronounceable and untype-able (stastistics? statsticksis? satistcis? statsicstics? And what about statististicstically? Let's not even go there. Although maybe just for a sec, so we can use this analogy: "Statistically" is to "Specifically" as "Viennese" is to "Vietnamese").

On to our percentages:
*Our voting in the last three days is up by 60%!
*Our average number of tweets per day also is up by 60%!
*We've added more than 10,000 votes to Johnny's total just since Monday!
*#realityWEIR has been among the top 50 most active hashtags on Twitter worldwide for the last seven days!

(OK, those last two aren't percentages, but I'm still geeking out about them.)

What does all this mean? Well, again, I must retreat to my Lutheran background and quietly and peacefully refuse to draw any conclusions no matter how compelling the specifstical evidence in front of me, although if pressed, I would have to go with: I think maybe we might be helping him win this thing.

And now more stepistics! Here are our Top Ten Tweeters for the last seven days as of 3:30 a.m.:

  1. @maxonat - 1,597
  2. @blackren101 - 1,564
  3. @realityWeir - 1,421
  4. @MaggieStNJ - 1,414
  5. @Cheddar_Cat - 1,260
  6. @KittenGlitterHD - 1,247
  7. @TheJerseySlore - 1,238
  8. @Moo58 - 1,227
  9. @JGW_fangirl - 904
10. @AddictedtoJWe - 672

So we are totally pwning this vote, and thank you to all who are tweeting like people starring in an episode of Obsessed, and please don't let up now! Once again, since we can't track the votes on the NewNowNext website--although please vote there anyway whenever you can--Twitter is our ultimate weapon to try to ensure first place for Johnny! You can check our progress anytime here.

I am thrilled to announce that we have a new voting ally on Twitter: Beauty Bear Eric Alt of Eric Alt Salons--our twitpic hero--has joined us in tweeting #realityWEIR! And we have a great way to thank him for his support: We can vote for Eric to win "Favorite Salon" in New Jersey Life Health and Beauty magazine's 2010 Beauty A List! You can vote as many times as you want through June 21! The winner will be announced in the September issue.

Finally, we have one other very important opportunity to support Johnny with our votes: The campaign for USFSA's Figure Skater of the Year. You can vote once per e-mail address; voting continues until July 15. This is a big one, so please vote if you haven't already done so, and encourage everyone in your e-mail address book to vote, too.

Well then. My head is swirling with numbers, my glitter glue is empty, and my green accountant's eyeshade is getting all fogged up. Time to end this geekfest for now and go back to tweeting #realityWEIR and #hotBETTYWHITE.

Because it makes me ridiculously happy to see those two in the same tweet.



PLEASE KEEP VOTING FOR JOHNNY
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards!
Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting

and retweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, 100,000 votes!
PLEASE also VOTE HERE for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award
(voting ends July 15)!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Glee-full!

I'm proud to be different. It's the best thing about me.
--Kurt Hummel, Glee


So I am late to the Glee party, but the minute Johnny tweeted that he was excited about its spring premiere some weeks ago, I immediately had to get on board. And wow. I am so glad I did. What a treasure of a show! Brilliant dialogue, fabulous singing, three-dimensional characters, and some of the wittiest writing ever.

Last night's Lady Gaga-tribute episode--which had me at "Gaga"-- included more on the powerful plot line involving Kurt, Finn, and Kurt's dad, whom I absolutely adore.

For those who aren't fully up-to-speed on Glee, Kurt is played by gay actor Chris Colfer (follow him on Twitter!), whose emotional range as an actor is astonishing. The character of Kurt also is gay, and has a crush on football star Finn. And Finn's mom is dating Kurt's dad, Burt, played by the amazing Mike O'Malley.

Burt recently invited Finn and his mom to move in with the Hummels. But that is not without its difficulties.

This speech of Burt's, directed at Finn when he overhears Finn yelling at Kurt for decorating their room in Burt's house with "faggy" stuff, should be required reading everywhere in America:

You think it's OK to come in MY house and say "faggy"?... I KNOW what you meant! What, you think I didn't use that word when I was your age? You know: Some kid gets clocked in practice, we tell him to "stop being such a fag. Shake it off." We meant it exactly the way YOU meant it: That being gay is wrong. That it's some kind of punishable offense. I really thought you were different, Finn. You know, I thought ... that you were some new generation of dude who saw things differently, who just kind of, you know, came into the world KNOWING what it's taken me YEARS of struggling to figure out. I guess I was wrong. ... I love your mom. And maybe this is going to cost me her. But my family comes first. I can't have that kind of poison around. ... He is my SON.

Dear God. Yes. This SO MUCH.

THIS is parenting: Loving your children more than yourself; understanding who they are and that they are NOT you; accepting them for who they are; and then doing everything you can to help them be who they are to the fullest--to be the most vibrant, alive, joy-affirming, self-loving (which is not in any way the same as self-involved), fully engaged people they can be. In the most poison-free environment you can create for them.

So now my new daydream is that Burt Hummel and Patti Weir team up and hit the lecture circuit (John Weir should come too, except that I know traveling is difficult for him. Maybe he could join in via Skype?). Because we need them to speak at assemblies at every school in the country, and then offer parenting seminars in the evenings.

Mandatory seminars, IMO.

With perhaps a quiz at the end, followed by refreshments of beautiful cod (except in the Midwest, where they just want bologna and cheese).

So maybe eventually we could, in fact, raise new generations of kids who grow up NOT thinking bullying is OK, who are NOT all insecure about themselves which makes them feel threatened inside by those who are different, a feeling that stems from this kind of thinking: "If that kid is different from me, then maybe I'm wrong, because that's my secret fear, that whoever I am--which I don't really know who that is; I only know all the mixed messages I get about who I'm supposed to be--is just wrong anyway, and so clearly the only logical response on my part is to beat up the kid who is different so I can feel better about my own secret fears involving my perceived inadequacy as a human being. For a few minutes."

Maybe we could find a better way.

Let's start by taking to heart the message of last night's Glee as lived by Johnny Weir, and as articulated by a desperately defiant Kurt when faced with football-squad bullies (moments before Finn appears in a red rubber dress to save him):

I'm proud to be different. It's the best thing about me.

Me too.



On an entirely different but also gleeful note: Congratulations to Nicole Scherzinger and her partner, Derek Hough, on winning DWTS! I voted my maximum five times for Nicole at the DWTS website on Monday night because Johnny had asked his fans to vote for her, and his wish is my command, as always. So yay for Nicole!

And now, by popular demand, please enjoy this clip of my favorite moment from this season's DWTS.



One final bit of giddy gleefulness: Johnny tweeted yesterday that he loves peonies. And with the help of alert fan Nicole Davis, I suddenly realized that THAT is the quote that belongs on this photo:



PLEASE KEEP VOTING FOR JOHNNY
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards!
Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting

and retweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, 100,000 votes!
PLEASE also VOTE HERE for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award
(voting ends July 15)!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Brief Musings on Sex and the [Insert the Johnny-licious Noun of Your Choice Here]

Johnny says he spends 83% of his time naked!
All those in favor of the Facebook fans taking turns
in a rotating unpaid internship with either
Joey Camasta or Eric Alt, say "OMG I DIE!"


So Johnny attended the premiere of Sex and the City 2 last night in NYC, and he was kind enough to allow the process of getting ready, as orchestrated by the Beauty Bears, Joey Camasta of MAC Cosmetics and Eric Alt of Eric Alt Salons, to be twitpic'd, much to the collective squeeing and purring of his Kittens.

And then came the finished look, and as usual he never fails to surprise and delight. Rather than some type of all-pink SATC2-tribute complete with tiara and boa, which many Kittens might have been expecting, he turned up in an elegant ensemble highlighted by a fabulous green shirt that complemented his eyes beautifully. Some wondered if perhaps having the burly Beauty Bears on board resulted in this unexpected fashion turn, but personally I think it was Just Johnny, as always. Eight days ago we teetered heavily to one side with the ostrich-tatious coat of many colors (which I loved); last night, we leaned hard the other way, all understated black jacket, ubiquitous meggings, and the softly draped scarf and shirt. It's simply his way of keeping the universe in balance so that none of us slide off the edge of the earth into whatever orange-toned, fashion-challenged hell dimension lurks there. So thank you, BB. The world will never fully grasp or appreciate all that you do for us.

(Note: There was some mild disagreement over "like/not like" re: the makeup Johnny wore for the evening. I'd like to gently and ever so courteously ask that we refrain from initiating a long discussion on that point here. Been there, sucked that, on various other sites. And I fall into the "I like whatever he chooses at any particular moment" judging category, so let's just admire the shirt and those lashes and sing a chorus of Christina Aguilara's "Dreamy Eyes" together, shall we?)

Afterward he tweeted that he loved the movie, so naturally I'll have to see it at some point.

WE INTERRUPT THIS MOMENT OF SWOONING ADORATION TO BRING YOU THE LATEST NEWNOWNEXT SEVEN-DAY VOTE TOTALS FROM TWITTER! Please slip into something completely nerdy--plaid pants, a striped shirt, and Buddy Holly glasses in which the nosepiece is held together with first-aid tape will do--and let's review:

Our total votes have increased,
but our daily average fell a little bit.
Please keep tweeting and retweeting #realityWEIR!


And now back to our feature presentation.

Of course all of us on his Facebook fan page were sighing that we wished we could have been there (though one lucky fan, Kit Carlson, actually was, and so we wait breathlessly for photos from Kit while simultaneously working industriously on our time-travel and body-switching spells so that we can all take turns BEING Kit for that glorious evening ... ).

To assuage our longing for now, I present this .gif, which may allow you, if you use your imagination a tiny bit, to pretend that you're actually walking up to Johnny on the red carpet just in time for him to escort you into the movie ...

(Optional dialogue:

You: Hello, BB! Don't you look fabulous, as always!

Johnny: Hey gurl hey! I've been waiting here just for you ...

You: *faint*

I keep rewriting this scene, but I always end up at the same place, with the fainting...)



PLEASE KEEP VOTING FOR JOHNNY
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards!
Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting

and retweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, 100,000 votes!
PLEASE also VOTE HERE for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award
(voting ends July 15)!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Monday, May 24, 2010

NewNowNext Awards Update: Johnny's Kittens Are Rocking the Vote!!

 "Hey! You've been tweeting #realityWEIR
over and over for me? Thanks!
I'll be right over with these roses!"


Oh, just look at him. And not just there. Look here. And here. And especially here. Now how could we not vote repeatedly for Johnny to win the NewNowNext "Most Addictive Reality Star" award? Obviously the answer is: We couldn't. It's physically impossible to stop ourselves from doing just that. And now we've got the stats to prove it!

We're heading into the home stretch for voting, which ends
June 4--just thirteen more voting days left (also shopping days, except who has time to shop when we can't stop tweeting long enough to even feed the dog, let alone go out and buy stuff. Although actually you can shop at Ban.do 24/7, so it is, in fact, possible to shop and tweet for Johnny simultaneously, but not buy dog food--although maybe a nice little ban.do for the dog, who really is looking quite svelte these days ... )

So ever since this NewNowNext thing began, I have been scouring the Interwebz for a useful tool that actually works to track our voting. (Yes, you can do a search on Twitter for #realityWEIR, but that only shows you the most recent tweets and doesn't offer any kind of history. Plus it craps out after about three refreshes and then mumbles weird technogeek stuff about how running scripts on this page may cause your computer to barf, screw up a triple toe loop, and then implode. So it's not a big help.) And those nice NewNowNext people sweetly refuse to offer a running total of any kind since they insist that the results must be a surprise when the winners are announced on June 17. They don't realize, of course, that HELLO, we are JOHNNY WEIR fans--with all the intense single-minded devotion that that implies...

In the meantime, we Kittens (as Johnny calls us, which just makes us SQUEE! and then purr like crazy, a word that crops up frequently when describing JWe fans--but it's a good crazy, not the quiet-neighbor-who-always-kept-to-himself kind of crazy, because for starters "quiet" we definitely are not) are all milling around with ever-growing anxiety as we wait for him to announce whether or not he's competing next season. And, as alert fan Jessica Lane points out, when Johnny's overly artistic, creative, passionate, and rabid fanbase is trapped in a small room with no glitter to snort and nothing to do but chew on our very sharp claws and hiss at each other, things can get messy. So fortunately many of us have made it our mission to control our anxiety by eating voting nonstop. And we're doing a helluva job.

I finally found a site called "What the hashtag" that actually works pretty well to track Twitter votes, although I can't get more than a seven-day history at a time. So I've had to do some extrapolating from there, which isn't nearly as stimulating as it might sound. Although maybe if Johnny did it ... in which case it would probably be called "sex-trapolating" and would look something like this:


Anyway, Johnny is up against four competitors for this award: Khloe Kardashian from Keeping Up With the Kardashians; Snooki from Jersey Shore; Andrew Mukamal from Kell on Earth; and JuJuBee from RuPaul's Drag Race.

So check us out, Kittens! (Yeah, OK, it's a nerdy-ass table and practically requires a pocket protector to view it, but LOOK AT THE VOTES!!):


Yes! We are ROCKING the vote on Twitter for Johnny! And that's especially thanks to these Top Ten Tweeters and the vote totals that they have contributed so far (and these totals are just for the last seven days):

  1. @maxonat - 1,599
  2. @Cheddar_Cat - 1,196
  3. @realityWeir - 1,110
  4. @KittenGlitterHD - 1,040
  5. @TheJerseySlore - 1,034
  6. @MaggieStNJ - 1,024
  7. @Moo58 - 830
  8. @blackren101 - 658
  9. @princessjhnylv - 631
10. @mommaowie - 419

You can track our progress and that of Johnny's competitors through these links:

Khloe          http://wthashtag.com/Realitykhloe
Snooki       http://wthashtag.com/Realitysnooki
Andrew     http://wthashtag.com/Realityandrew
JuJuBee   http://wthashtag.com/Realityjujubee
Johnny     http://wthashtag.com/Realityweir

So we are doing an AMAZING job--but this is no time to slack off! In the thirteen days we have left, let's see if we can raise our daily average to more than 2,000! Because here's the caveat: We do NOT have a way to track the votes cast on the NewNowNext website. So we've got to vote as often as possible, especially on Twitter, to make sure that Johnny is in first place.

As @natomax tweeted: If Johnny loses to Snooki, a kitten will die.

Although I think JuJuBee is the real threat here, and I don't know what terrible thing will happen if she wins--although I'm sure whatever death-dealing nightmare ensues, it will certainly be flamboyant, glamorous, and over-the-top. And have big hair.

But let's not go there. Let's just keep tweeting #realityWEIR around the clock FTW! Because this whole addiction is Johnny's freaking fault anyway, since he had me at, "I walk on water. Well, frozen water."

And if there's one word that describes Johnny Weir--whether he's skating, singing, walking, extrapolating, stepping into the shower, or just breathing--it's most definitely "addictive."



PLEASE KEEP KEEP VOTING FOR JOHNNY
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards!
Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting

and retweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, 100,000 votes!
PLEASE also VOTE HERE for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award
(voting ends July 15)!

photo (c) Amie Photography.com
Thanks to ontd_skating for the .gif!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I Can't Evan Leave It Alone and Now I'm All .Gif-Happy




PLEASE VOTE HERE for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award!
And please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserve

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Big News!

Yes, it's big news:
Johnny Confirms a Second Season of BGJW!
(Also: Evan Needs Geography and Music Lessons)


So a bunch of us JWe fans were hanging out on his Facebook page Friday night because we have no lives since we willingly gave them up when this damn prancing ice god skated into them and now he's got bows in his hair for chrissakes so we are even more completely under his spell, and then this little tidbit of an interview popped up, thanks to alert fan Jen Cheng.

At the very end, the vodka-shot-and-a-snort-of-coke-kind-of-interviewer asks Johnny, "One more question for you, with your reality show--are you going to have another one at some point?"

And Johnny smiles, "I have a big finale on June 27 on the Sundance Channel." And then he blurts casually, almost as an afterthought: "And then we're going to do a second season."

Interviewer (who could not talk any faster but somehow manages to anyway): "Secondseason'spicked up?Wonderful!"

Johnny: "Pretty much, yes."

Interviewer (now clearly in maximum words per millisecond overdrive): "Good!Youguyshearthat?Secondseason'spickedupforJohnnyWeir'sshow!"

The guy was so excited to get this scoop he even put it in the info box under the YouTube clip: "Johnny Weir Judge of the miss usa 2010 pageant, red carpet interview. exclusive news his show has been picked up for a second season." And he might have peed a little too.

So it took all of about ten seconds from the time Jen put up the link to Lily Doheny posting "JOHNNY CONFIRMS SECOND SEASON OF BGJW!" to the whole page exploding with glitter.

Of course we all conveniently ignored the "pretty much, yes" part of the interview. Don't interrupt me with caveats and caution when I'm fantasizing about more Johnny and more completely inappropriate quotes and please God more Viacheslav Romanov because I really miss that boy and more snuffles and more EVERYTHING on my TiVo.

So that was BIG news. And I was so overcome with shaking and crying, as they would say on ontd, plus the intensity of conversing in ten Facebook chat windows at once--chat slore that I am--that I almost missed the other exciting headline of the night. Which comes to us courtesy of Larry King, who had the dubious honor of interviewing the DWTS finalists on his show last night.

WARNING: Sharp Evan disses immediately ahead. Sorry. It can't be helped.

From the transcript:

KING: What are you going to do [in the final]?

LYSACEK: We're doing the Viennese Waltz again, which was our first dance in the competition. We'll get a chance to raise our score.

TREBUNSKAYA: That's right.

LYSACEK: I get Viennese and Vietnamese confused, the Waltzes.

Oh, honey, so do I. I can't even count the number of times I've seen Vietnamese people waltzing to "Waves of the Danube." And of course Vietnam natives look so much like people from Vienna, and those two countries have such a long and rich history of shared culture, being practically next-door neighbors. Certainly their cuisines are nearly indisinguishable. No wonder it's confusing to you. I bet you get "vapid" and "rapid" mixed up a lot too.

Speaking of vapid, here's a thought: I would love to see Evan dating Brittany, the Cheerio on Glee who is sure her cat has been reading her diary and that dolphins are just gay sharks. Let's imagine those conversations:

Evan: See, figure skating is really just all about the math. You do the right moves at the right times and then they add up your points and you win.

Brittany: The square root of four is rainbows.

Evan: "Over the Rainbow" is the kind of ballad that would be ideal for the Vietnamese waltz.

Brittany: Why would you want to dance to a male duck?

Really, they ought to be starring in their own reality spin-off, Project Clueless. Or, So You Think You Can Think?

And while we relish the exceptionally vapid beauty and symmetrical nonsequitur-ness of the pairing of Evan and Brittany, which quite possibly might cause the head of Glenn Beck, King of the Non Sequitur, to explode, I leave you with something even more beautiful: A .gif I made all by myself from the tail end of the Johnny interview, to tide us over until we get more new BGJW. It's the perfect .gif at which you can gaze idly and fixedly throughout the rest of this weekend--especially if you took all your antibiotics at once and now can't remember how to leave the room...



PLEASE VOTE HERE for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award!
And please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!

Special thanks to alert JWe Facebook fan Nicole Davis
for pointing me to Evan's interview!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserve

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Week in Twit-Speak: Lol Wut? * Facepalm * Headdesk * OMGWTFBBQ * Epic Fail

Photo from the now slightly infamous
"Behind the scenes at Miss USA" blog post
(click for a larger view).
I'm still loving this ostrich-tatious bolero on him.
Wanna know the quote I'd love to see here?
Please PM me and I'll send you the link to a perfect
though slightly scratchy five-second Johnny audio clip! :)
Which you can then load onto your iPod
and thus listen to his beautiful voice over and over
directly in your ear...


Note to self: Next time you use an actual Johnny quote as a caption for a photo of Johnny, be sure to include a reference / footnote / link / context / explanation of benefits / map of Weirlandia / chocolate / SOMETHING to make it clear that you are NOT dissing him in any way but instead reveling with delight in his exceptional quotability, his high comfort level in bandying about the proper names for intimate body parts in casual conversation, and his always dazzling fashion sense. Never, under any circumstances, assume that all readers are equally well-acquainted with the Book of Johnny and can quote chapter and verse in their sleep--along with date of interview, place of interview, name of interviewer, and time stamp at which the quote appears as well as what the people in the background are saying--like you can. Just FYI. Also remember that even though you have written more than seventy blog posts that are 100% in support of Johnny and whatever he's currently saying / doing / singing / wearing, it will take more than that to counterbalance the ugliness and negativity of multiple years' worth of boards and forums and media outlets that came before and have left some readers quite wary and ever poised for that moment when you, too, suddenly turn on him and write something deliberately unflattering. (Although that will never happen. Even if he finally does join the Russian mob, I will find a way to make it a positive: "Johnny, I'm so excited about your new career path! I hope it brings you much happiness and black-market success! #realityWEIR.") And: Be prepared to apologize when something comes off in a way you did not intend--even if it means apologizing for quoting Johnny's own words. Whatever it takes to reassure all readers that when you say, "All Johnny love, all the time," you really, really mean that.

Well.

This week sucked. For lots of people, apparently.

For me, suckage began when I blithely used my blog and my Photoshop skills to cause unintentional upset. I apologized profusely, pulled the post, alternately felt certain and then uncertain about the lines where humor, offensiveness, free speech, and self-censorship all intersect, and ended up wondering WTF am I doing and why bother?

So I bowed out of everything Johnny-related. Just came to a screeching halt, having entirely run out of motivation. And words. Except possibly these: "My calculations were incorrect!"

Next we were knocked sideways by a random family crisis. Which helped immensely to underscore the WTF-ness of the week. But at least the few words I was then able to muster were those of gentle comfort, support, and reassurance to my husband, so I wasn't a complete waste of skin.

In between fascinating family conversations, I did a lot of pondering and self-doubting about my whole writer / blogger / fandom thing, punctuated by frequent bursts of injecting chocolate directly into my veins and infrequent lurking on Johnny's fan page, where I just didn't have anything to offer.

Although I noticed as a lurker that actually everybody seemed to be having problems this week. One of my Facebook BFFs, Maggie, is losing her job after listening to empty promises from her employer for quite some time; Gail has been looking for a new job for more than a year; Kelly has two friends whose mothers are desperately ill; Lauri is losing her house and worries that she won't be able to find a new home that will allow her to keep her beloved dog; Deborah lost her job two years ago due to the plague of downsizing and is now on disability; and many others in Weirlandia are dealing with stuff that can leave a person deeply discouraged by the sheer unsparkliness of it all.

And I felt enormous empathy. Definitely been there, sucked that.* On all counts.

Then I came across this post from the lovely Deborah, our faithful Weirlandia WeatherAngel:

"i just read through all of the comments on maggie's post re: losing her job, & i am crying. why? cuz i love maggie, and because it is so amazing how a group of strangers bound together by love of johnny have bonded together into such a kind, caring and loving nation. i really wish tara, patti, johnny could know that about us. when one person hurts, we all hurt. when one person rejoices, we all rejoice. in my mind this is miraculous. thank you weirlandians, each and every one of us is amazing."

And the comments under her post were equally beautiful. Here are just a few:

Michael it really is amazing deborah. I have never seen a place where people who have never met can show so much for one another... it truly is phenomenal. I know that this page means the world to me and I cant even explain it. ... and yes I too agree that if they only knew what an amazing thing we have here. thank you for posting this deb darlin. We love you ...

Mary Mimi I'm telling you and I say it every day. Johnny Weir Changed My Life!!! The world he has opened up to so many of us is just amazing and the friendships and the LOVE!!!!!

Maggie Shucks Deb, Everyone, thanks! In the short time we've known everyone here, I do feel as if you're my family and my Glitterhead Kittens were the ones I wanted to come to for some glitter & comfort. ♥

Lauri I couldn't agree more with Deborah. ... There are times when life is overwhelming. You seriously wonder what is the point, but then you realize how many generous and giving people are out there. The most amazing are on this website brought together by one amazing human being thank you Johnny!

Suzanne Deb, this is so true! I love Weirlandia, I wish I never had to leave!

Lily Every time I hear someone complain how bad the internet can be (exploitive porn and scams or mean social networks), I smile inwardly and think of places like this. :)

(I also saw some kind comments on the page from people saying that they missed me. Which was really nice to read, and helped me feel a little less like a complete moron. Thank you to all who took the time to write and post and send some love--it was very much appreciated.)


And I had to smile at the take-charge attitude of Barbara, who decided to create a separate fan page called "Johnny Weir's Nipples" in order to reduce the number of NippleBombs on the main fan page, much to Julie's relief. Not that she has anything against nipples. Because everyone has nipples!**

So the main thing I can say about this week is that it's over. And that the people on Johnny's fan page are some of the kindest, most caring, most loving people I have ever been blessed to know. It's a community in the best sense of the word. And a testament to what the world can be when we truly love our neighbors as ourselves.

And also: Even in the midst of all kinds of personal crises, big and small, I'm sure many Weirlandians often find themselves thinking: "At least we have Johnny. Oh, and Glee. Johnny LOVES Glee. And next week--yes, it's the Lady Gaga episode! Kurt! 'Bad Romance'! OMG I can't wait! Plus we know Johnny will be watching, and then it's almost like he's watching it with us! And oooo, wouldn't it be fun to have a Glee-watching pajama party with Johnny? His apartment's all clean and everything!"


(It's not just me, right? Please excuse me while I go mainline another Milky Way Midnight ... )

And then Johnny "twitter-pictured." Which might be one of the most adorable things he's ever done. Both the pictures and how incredibly pleased he was with himself left me with a huge grin and destroyed the rest of my effort to take myself very very seriously.

Plus there's Jennifer's post: "[Here's a] kiss good night at the end of a rough day. love to you all ♥"



Thank you, dear Jennifer. Now I really feel better. ♥ #realityWEIR


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!
And vote here for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award!

*Actual Johnny quote from the 88 for Aids event as reported here 05/06/2010.
**Actual Johnny quote from LifeSkate interview 04/05/2010.


copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved

Monday, May 17, 2010

And the Winner Is....

So I TiVo'd the Miss USA pageant and was able to watch the whole thing in under ten minutes because of course all I cared about were the Johnny moments, of which there were really only three of note that I saw: His introduction as a judge, his question to Miss Colorado, and a brief moment caught on camera toward the end of the program.

Let's begin by announcing that Johnny was the immediate and obvious winner of the Miss USA Judge Who Is Clearly Not Afraid to Wear Anything and We Mean Anything for the Pure Unadulterated Glee of It All Especially Since Hello We're in Vegas and Half the Fun Lies in Freaking Out Middle America and the Other Half Is Just Simply All About the Feathers, as this outfit which literally made me gasp with the fierce and amusing fabulousness of it all so perfectly illustrates:

OK, in my opinion he looks stunning, as always,
whether you see this as inspired by a happily fierce ostrich
that is completely comfortable in its own feathers,
or as a sign of the apocalypse.


Johnny's tweet late last night further reinforced my delighted understanding of his fashion choices for the evening. Of course pageants call for craziness. You people have seen Little Miss Perfect and Toddlers & Tiaras, right? Those parents completely have the crazy and they're not afraid to use it, healthy childhoods and future therapy costs be damned.

Johnny also wins for Most Real Camera Moment Among Miss USA Judges for this footage near the end of the pageant, right before a commercial break, in which he appears a little bored--or possibly rocking out to the music in his head which I'm guessing is Lady Gaga's "Boys Boys Boys"--and also definitely squirmy and fidgety, like the most super-glam five-year-old ever who may need to pee and is wondering "Mom/Tara, WHEN is this thing OVER? Cuz I'm getting a little cranky here and am not going to be able to behave much longer...":


Finally: I thought his question for the interview portion of the pageant was quite interesting:

"A new social networking site has become a place for young people to anonymously post gossip, nasty, and sometimes sexual comments about their peers. Should such sites be regulated by the government?"

An alert Twitterer later tweeted this, which sent me on a search regarding more information about formspring.me, with which I was somewhat familiar since I've read some of the questions and answers on the one that belongs to Aunt Joyce. But I had no idea that this exciting new frontier in social-networking tools was recently used to drive a 17-year-old girl to suicide. Given that Johnny is a vigorous proponent of free speech, but also that he had to shut down his MySpace some time back because of all the hideous stuff that idiot people felt compelled to post on it as they are even less human than the slime from which they crawled, I think he may have a very personal perspective on this issue. I'm not sure what answer he might give were the question asked of him, nor what answer he might have been looking for from Miss Colorado, although my daughter suggested this: "An articulate one."

At any rate, I thought the pageant was way too much about the contestants and not nearly enough about Johnny, but we'll take what we can get during the off-season while in the dark recesses of our minds looms ever larger, like a giant SyFy mushroom, the all-important question: Will he or won't he continue in competitive skating? And since we won't know the answer to that until likely June, we must content ourselves with whatever Johnny-media crumbs fall our way, even if they're from Donald Trump's table and contain excessive amounts of spackle-like hairspray. So all in all, I enjoyed every second that Johnny was on screen, I hope he had a truly wonderful time these last ten days in LA and Las Vegas because that boy has more than earned some major party time, and once again I am so thankful for the magic of TiVo, which allowed me to zoom past whoever all those women were and replay Johnny squirming over and over and over ...

And now: The moment we've all been waiting for! (Well, not really. The moment we're all waiting for is the one where the doorbell rings and it's Johnny standing on the front porch, feathers in place, Pledge in hand, and wicked grin spreading all the way to those elfin ears while time stands still ... But we'll make do with this, shall we?). Our Miss Weirlandia contestants are poised and ready for the final results!

In a four-way tie for third runner-up are: Miss Creant, Miss Adventure, Miss Anthrope, and Miss Informed!

Our second runner-up is ... Miss Take!

Our first runner-up is ... Miss Nomer!

And yes, that means our winner is ... (drum roll please): The one and only Miss Behavior! Who is nowhere to be found, but has apparently left a trail of ostrich feathers and bits of strawberry in her wake... and by the way, has anyone seen Johnny...?


Please keep voting for Johnny
as "Most Addictive Reality Star"
in the NewNowNext Awards! Vote here
(he's the last one listed in the fifth category--scroll down!)
or on Twitter by constantly tweeting #realityWEIR.
Voting ends June 4, which gives us plenty of time
to get Johnny oh, say, ONE MILLION votes!
And vote here for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award!

copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserve